Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been in a relationship with this man for two months. We attended college together. He was interested in me, but at that time in my life I was currently in a relationship. After we graduated he always managed to stay in contact with me (via Facebook or text message). The conversation was always short and brief. I had no idea that he was interested in me until August 2010. He texted me and told me to give him a call and I did!
I stay in Chicago and he stays in St. Louis. He has a 10-year old daughter and I have a 1-year old son. He has come to see me and vice-versa. He has his own business, and he has football tournaments across various states. That is a big thing to him. And he is a high school History teacher/basketball coach (for his daughter’s team and high school). I am a speech pathologist assistant (I work 6 days a week), have my own business, and I am a single mother, raising my child along with God.
Where my concern comes in is at is his lack of communication and “false hope.” In the beginning we would talk on the phone at least twice or three times a day. When he had his tournament Labor Day weekend we didn’t talk as much, but he sent texts. But, now I get a text for the entire day, two if I’m lucky. This week I only heard his voice once. I drove to St. Louis last weekend and when I got there he was on the damn phone. Some things are business, others are crap with random people that can obviously wait because I am there. But when he is in Chicago visiting me I make time for him even if I have to work. One particular time he raised hell because that weekend was my ex-fiance’s mom’s funeral. I still went to work and was called into the office afterward for brief meeting. When I got home he was upset and expressed his feelings. Then we spent the whole day together and the rest of the weekend, as well as many visits after that. And, that’s because obviously I understand you have to be fair in a relationship.
Some might think this is insecure feelings that I have, or just being spoiled. I feel I dated and engaged in terrible relationships I had no business in (that include my son’s father). But, I’ve learned from my own mistakes and their ridiculous behavior. I have forgiven and moved on. But, I will not go through the same crap again, especially when I see it coming. I want to talk to him after this project he has. I have feelings and needs, too. I am very aware of the distance, but I am willing to put my best foot forward, despite what is going on in my life. I walked that road of feeling alone in relationship.
I feel that he should do the same. I feel I’m being taken for granted. I feel a sense of false hope, because he doesn’t even offer to pay for me to come there. But he said all that in the beginning. I just feel he doesn’t want to give any energy to the relationship. Then why be in a relationship? Why waste your time? Why did you approach me and open up to me?
All I know is, I’m not in a rush to get married and I wasn’t in rush to be in a relationship. I saw something that I didn’t see. It was trust and he is good guy. I know I can trust him around my son. But, eventually I want to be married and have more children. I want to be able to share my relationship with God, and my life, career, and for him to be a Father to our children. Why do guys take things for granted? Guys feel like they don’t have to put that much energy or time anymore into the relationship that they once did before. I know it is early and I should give it time. But, my time is important also. I hate the excuses that I hear, “He is just a man.” How about he is a human being and we should be considerate and be responsible. What should I do? Because, I don’t want to get rid of a good man? (I understand the hustle, drive, and the willpower) Or, do I walk away from it all? – Taken For Granted
You can read my response, HERE: