TERRANCE DEAN

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2012-01-27T10:48:00.002-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m going to get right to the point, Hun!

I met this guy while at work a couple of weeks ago. After helping him with his retail related needs, we began to chat. He told me he was married for 11 years and divorced for one year, had a successful auto wholesale business, three children, etc. He eventually asked me out. I thought he was handsome, well-spoken, well-mannered, and well-dressed so I allowed him to take me to dinner.

After a few dates we really seemed to hit it off. So, instead of plunging in head first I prayed and asked the Lord to show me what purpose this person would serve in my life. After my prayer, I got the urge to ‘Google’ him.

During my search I found out that was actually married twice, there were several complaints listed online from customers he swindled or tried to swindle in various ways! On top of that, this knee-grow has accumulated 15 various misdemeanors AND felonies from 1997 to 2010!!!

I immediately hit him with the, “I’m not over my ex,” line and told him that I could no longer see him. My line was clearly ineffective as he will not stop calling and texting me! When I ignore his attempts at communication he shows up at my job!

My friends say that I should just tell him that I know he’s a crook, but I’m kinda scared! What should I do to get him to leave me alone?

P.S.- For the record, I have not given him even the slightest whiff of the cookie! I’m a lady! – Doesn’t Want To Be His Next Felony

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/532824/dear-bossip-i-prayed-before-plunging-further-with-him-i-learned-he-is-a-con-man-with-multiple-felonies/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2012-01-25T13:17:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been divorced for the past four and a half years.

I really hate my ex-husband, but have been using poor judgment and still sleeping with him since I lost my job. I have no income besides the child support he pays for our three children. But, he says I sex him so good that he will give me extra money if I have sex with him, which I foolishly have done.

One of my New Year resolutions was to stop having sex with him, money or no money. Now I had a suspicion that I was pregnant, and I took the test and it came back positive. I tried telling him but he is being rude and nasty because I reject his many requests and propositions for sex. I would not have a problem keeping this child but I am currently not in an ideal situation for another one. I have no job, no car, I recently lost my home, and my family and I had to move in with family. And before you go there, yes, protection was used. If it broke he lied or didn’t let me know. What do you think I should do? – Feeling Foolish And Lost

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/531481/dear-bossip-ive-been-sleeping-with-my-ex-husband-to-get-more-child-support-money-now-im-pregnant/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2012-01-24T16:53:00.001-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I recently read the article entitled, “He says he’s unhappy, but I can’t let him go, he’s my world.”

I’m struggling with what I fear is a similar issue. My boyfriend of two years says he loves me and wants to marry me and have children, but every time we discuss marriage he brings up problems and says he’s not happy. Finally, I put my foot down and gave the ultimatum, “now or never.” He chose never.

After discussing his choice he recanted and decided we should go to couples counseling. He is a good man and we are happy as long as we don’t discuss marriage. But, I want to be married and have another child! I have a son from a previous marriage and he treats my son like his own, worse my son is completely attached to him and when we temporarily broke things off my young son was in tears for days. We do have our problems, but everyone does. I don’t want to walk away because we have formed a family. I love him and he’s the only father my son knows, however I feel like I’m cheating myself out of the things I really want in life.

I’m too damn old to be somebody’s girlfriend! And my eggs are getting old too! I truly love him, but how do I know that he will EVER be ready to make a lifelong commitment. His longest relationship before me was 6 months and he is well over thirty years old. Do some men just never settle down? – Waiting To Be Married

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-gave-him-the-ultimatum-of-now-or-never-for-marriage-he-said-never/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2012-01-24T12:41:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

First, I would like to start off by saying I do love this website.

I really like the fact that you do offer advice whether some of us are in a real relationship, or some of us are not. I love it.

Moving forward, I wanna start off by saying I am a 23 year old black female who have a serious problem. I never truly thought about it until now, but I am Pam (you know from the TV show, Martin). For example, I have been seeing a guy for about two months. We’ve been having fun, but then out of thin air he disappears. We haven’t had an argument or anything. But, New Year’s rolls around and I heard absolutely nothing from him and we were supposed to spend New Year’s Eve together, but of course we didn’t.

Needless to say I’ve been calling and texting him, but still no reply not even a sorry or excuse me…nothing! And, to make matters worse is that he will answer calls from a different number but just not mine, and he lives like five minutes away from me .

The sex was always good, but now I’m just running out of reasons he could have left me the way he did. Maybe it was out with the old and in with the new. But, damn, he could have given me a valid reason for the cut off! I don’t think I’m in denial. Like, no matter how many guys ask me for my number on a daily basis I just can’t, and I don’t wanna feel this feeling again. So, I always reply, “No, I got a boyfriend,” when actually I don’t. I’ve given up on being in love at only 23years old and refuse to look back. – Over Love

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/530947/dear-bossip-after-2-months-of-dating-he-disappears-wont-return-my-calls-or-texts/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2012-01-20T11:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been involved with my husband for the past 14 years and married to him for the past ten years.

We have a beautiful family of 4 children and we attend church regularly. He is an avid drug user and has been using for the entire time that I have known him, so I am not surprised to have the problems that I do. All these years I have done all the taking care of expenses in the home. My husband has always had a job and made good money, but most of it would goes toward the addiction. My paychecks would keep the home running smoothly. Another issue is that all these years I have been in school, so this past May I finally graduated with my degree in Accounting.

The main problem is this: His behavior no longer fits into my new life as a young black professional. What do I do? I am tired of his excuses, and now his addiction has grown significantly worse. He used to go and get high every few months, but now it is daily. He never does drugs in our home, nor does his alternative lifestyle ever come in view of our family. When he is not on drugs he is the most caring, loyal, provider you will ever want to meet. What do I do? – I’m Not Your Superwoman

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/529399/dear-bossip-ive-been-married-to-a-drug-addict-for-14-years-but-he-no-longer-fits-into-my-new-life/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2012-01-17T15:15:00.000-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’m kind of hoping you can and will help me out. I’m a 23 year- old virgin and have been single for 8 years. I consider myself to be attractive and I have my life together while always trying to improve myself. Everyone always assumes I have boyfriend but alas, I don’t. I’ve gone on a few dates in those 8 years but nothing has ever come from them.

One date consisted of me and the guy going to a Chinese restaurant ending in him trying to guess my breast size and challenging me to an arm wrestling competition. Then he acted like he didn’t know why he was still single…yeah, I stopped seeing him post haste.

Then there’s a guy who’s a musician that comes around every blue moon who’s spontaneous and exciting but I can’t take him seriously. He says he’s attracted to me and wants to pursue things but he’s never in the same city because he’s constantly on tour. Also, if he does text me I’ll respond and he won’t say anything else. He’ll say something like, “Good morning beautiful,” and I’ll say, “Hey ________,” and I won’t hear anything else which frustrates the hell out of me. These instances are sporadic and months or even years apart. He’s a little odd.

Recently, I met a guy at work and we went out a couple of times but the last time we were on a date there weren’t any sparks at all and he never clearly defined his intentions. He wasn’t the least bit direct like I’m used to and left me completely confused. Also, I’m not sure if he remembers my name cause I’ve never heard him say it or seen him text it. I expect a guy to take the initiative and I think it just boiled down to there not being enough chemistry so I haven’t seen or communicated with him since that date. It’s disappointing because I don’t meet a lot of guys who I’m attracted to and who are single and interested in me at the same time.

I guess my question is, what am I doing wrong here, or is there something I need to do differently? I’m not the most social person, but I do go to different places just to keep from going to work then back home. I’m active in my church and even though I’m not much of a club person I’ll go once in a while just to have a change of scenery or just to have fun. The usual demographic for guys that hit on me are men who are 20+ years older than me, or guys my age who ain’t about -ish. I’d rather have someone no more than 3-4 years older than me. Maybe I’m not direct enough because I’m a little shy, but I feel like a man should pursue a woman. Besides, the last time I pursued a man it ended up in the Chinese restaurant incident. I’m not in any rush to lose my virginity by the way. I just want to meet someone that challenges me and who I can really vibe with. Where is he?? (Age old question) Any suggestion would be helpful. – Over Being Single

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-a-virgin-who-wants-to-meet-someone-challenging-intriguing-where-is-he/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2012-01-16T11:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m a 22 year old female and I have an 8-month old baby by a liar.

I met him last year in July and he told me that he had a little girl. Okay, that’s fine. When I became 6 months pregnant he went to jail. I didn’t know he went to jail I just figured he just stopped coming around.

So, when I was 7 months pregnant I contacted the girl name he had tatted on him thinking she was the mother of the daughter he told me about. But, this woman has two sons by him. So, we started talking via Facebook. She then tells me she has a 5 year old son and a 2 month old son (this is while I’m 7 months pregnant, so yeah we were pregnant at the same time). And, the reason they are not together is because he lied about his kids. She tells me he has 11 kids. I didn’t know what to think or believe.

So, he gets out of jail and my baby is 3 months old. I bring to his attention that I know how he has been lying to me from day one. He really never said anything about it. I leave it alone because I was focused on my child. So, we get a place together and it has been nothing but drama. He lies to me, went behind my back and spent $1000 of mine, and he still talks to the baby momma that told me all the things about him.

I really want him to leave, but nothing works. I don’t want to get the police involved because he is my baby’s father and I don’t want to lose my apartment. Things have gotten so out of control now all we do is argue and fight (he actual put his hands one). And, most of the time it’s in front of my child. It hurts me so much afterwards that she has to see that he constantly hurts me, but he is sorry, and me and the baby is all he got. I do love him, but I see no future with him. I feel so stuck and alone to the point I don’t know what to do. Please give me some advice and be totally honest with me. Hurt And Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/526785/dear-bossip-my-babys-father-told-me-he-had-one-other-child-but-it-turns-out-he-has-eleven/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2012-01-11T11:01:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I am a young mother of three. Unfortunately, my children’s father and I are not together.

The guy I’m dating I’ve know for about 7 years now. We’ve been just friends for the last 5 years. Shortly after we met in 2006, he moved to Florida. We stayed in touch and he became one of my best friends. We wouldn’t talk every single day, but whenever we did talk we spoke about any and everything. He knows things about me that no one else knows. While he was in Florida he got married. At first he stated his marriage was solely to get his “papers” because he was an immigrant. As time passed he and the young lady dated and fell in love. So, now they are married for love, “supposedly.”

Fast forward….they’ve now been married a couple of years and we are still in touch. He finally got around to filing for his stuff and now has his “stuff.” The relationship started to wither between the two of them, and after having enough he decided to move back to New York.

Upon him moving back to New York we started talking a little more than before. I was single and while he was still legally married, he was “single” as well. It wasn’t long before we started dating. But, what was once never an issue for me is now becoming my very harsh reality. He says he is still legally married because he hasn’t yet filed for his citizenship (he only has green card status), and as soon as he completes that then he will get a divorce. He lives in his “wife’s” parent’s home in New York and she (the wife) pops in and out of New York without my knowledge of her ever being here.

It is now almost two years and absolutely no change has been made. We’re still dating and I use the term “dating” very loosely, for we only go out if I ask him to accompany me to the movies or dinner or something and I foot the bill. It has been many nights he’s unreachable without any reason at all, besides maybe he fell asleep or he forgot his phone in his car.

He doesn’t want to get married again and he doesn’t wants to have kids with me. So he’s still legally married, living in his “in-laws” house and no signs of anything changing, anytime soon. I want more. I want to get married because I’ve never been before. I also would like to have more kids because I never had a great experience being pregnant. Am I being naive? Am I wrong because I knew of his situation before our relationship got personal? Should I walk away or stick around and see if things are going to change once he gets his citizenship in order?? – Ms. Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/524109/dear-bossip-he-married-her-to-get-his-green-card-but-i-want-to-marry-him-have-his-babies/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2012-01-09T12:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been dating consistently for the last six and a half years.

We live together, share finances, raise children, laugh and cry together. He has been there for me, and he has helped me raise the children. When my mother became ill, he helped me care for her. I have met his parents and extended family. We even vacationed at his grandmother’s home this last summer, and most recently we did a four-day weekend.

When asked about children, he has zero. I have one biological and two adopted. He wants them. He has assured me that he does these things because he knows his future is with me. He is one of the most caring and genuine people I know. All who encounter him says so. Recently, he said the kids and I give him reason and direction for his life. Given all these things NO RING! What’s the deal? Why hasn’t he asked my hand in marriage? – Want To Be His Wife

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/522851/dear-bossip-weve-been-together-6-12-years-live-together-share-finances-but-why-wont-he-marry-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2012-01-06T08:42:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

About a month ago, I went out with friends while my girlfriend stayed home.

She drank with family, and a family friend who is a friend of mine. They proceeded to drink the whole night. My girlfriend fell asleep as she normally does when she drinks too much. The issue that I’m having is that when I came home he was cuddled up next to her, and passed out under the covers with her. I wake her up and she is in shock that he is next to her. He gets up and leaves the next day. He comes back to apologize to her while I’m at work. My girlfriend says it’s cool and that she told him that she knows he didn’t mean anything by it. He waited two weeks to confront me, and he uses the, “I’m embarrassed excuse.”

Ever since then, me and him grew distant, yet it seems like whenever I’m not around they hang out. My girlfriend knows it makes me uncomfortable but he is a family friend, so there is no avoiding him. I just know that when I’m there he isn’t, but once I leave he texts her asking what she is doing, can they hangout, drink, etc.

I trust my girlfriend, and I know she doesn’t mess with dudes, but it’s him I’m worried about. Why if she fell asleep did he stay in her house, in her room, then say he passed out, yet he looked pretty comfy under the covers as if he made an effort to get comfortable before passing out? I know when I get faded I bounce from other people’s cribs. I don’t crawl in bed with them! Gimme advice and let me know what you think his intentions are and what should I do. Please help Bossip! – Leery Of My Girl’s Friend

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.wordpress.com/521585/dear-bossip-i-think-my-girls-male-friend-is-up-to-something-has-an-ulterior-motive/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-30T08:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been dating my boyfriend for about nine months.

We are a happy couple and falling in love every day. I am a hardworking woman who has been at her job nearly seven years, and I am finishing my degree in psychology. My man is a hospital worker who just got laid off because of cutbacks. He just found another job at another hospital and awaiting to be called. He states I am the one for him and I feel same way. Our relationship is not perfect; we take our relationship one day at a time. And, maybe, one day we will start a family, but there is something holding me back from giving him a son or going raw dog.

When I start getting serious about someone I make them take every test possible under sun at the free clinic. He agreed to do the test with a little resistance. I kept asking him why was he so reluctant to go when I had set a date to go to the clinic. I finally broke him down and he told me that he was married before and divorced (I already knew he was married and divorced according to my Intel).

My man said that he was married for ten years and that his ex wife cheated. He found out he had Hepatitis B during a blood drive at the hospital he used to work at. My man thought I would leave if he told me the truth. I did not leave him, but my fear is catching it.

We use protection every time we are intimate. He wants children now, and he wants them naturally. My question is should I do it. I know he can get a shot to prevent Hepatitis A, B, and C, but there is still a risk. He says I am making him feel like a disease walking. I do not know what to do. – Go Raw Or Not

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/518730/dear-bossip-my-man-wants-to-start-raw-dogging-for-me-to-his-children-but-he-has-hepatitis-b/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-28T10:09:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

First, I want to say, I read a lot of the questions that you get and I must admit some of those questions have been crazy and you go pretty hard on them. I hope I am not one these…LOL !

Anyhow, I have am currently engaged and have been since July. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 2 ½ years. To me we have an okay relationship. When we have an obstacle to work through we communicate about it pretty well. If we get into it we can usually talk about it and resolve it. Overall, he’s a pretty good guy. I would not have said yes to the ring if he wasn’t.

However, the thing that he and I continue to struggle with is his lack of willingness to go above and beyond in the relationship. It’s like if you’re a manager and you have an employee that you see full potential in; and they are just meeting the minimum requirements of the job. This one is not the star employee willing to go above and beyond. He lacks with compliments, passion, romance, and spontaneity. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to get him to say, “Thank you,” or, “I enjoyed that meal you just spent three hours preparing.”

I have expressed these things to him several times and nothing changes. He’s not mean, but he is very passive aggressive and I am an aggressive person. I have even compromised on being so aggressive just to see if that was causing the issue. Sadly, nothing has changed. In the past he has told me that he is not used to dealing with someone like me. He’s used to dealing with chicks that do not want anything out of life except their hair and nails done. That’s the total opposite of everything that I am. I think that in their eyes this dude was a king and then he got with me and I’m like and? Because in all of my past relationships, I have been treated like the most special girl in the world and actually I didn’t have to do as much in those relationships because they weren’t worth it.

Now, I have gotten to the point with him that if he is not willing to step his game up then I am going to have to dissolve this relationship. I have made so many adjustments for this relationship because I love him. I mean he says I love you, but that’s where the buck stops. I go above and beyond to make him feel special and he has acknowledged such, so why can’t I get it in return? Am I just tripping, or am I really missing something?? I need him to get some Act Right !! – Patiently Waiting Change

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/517446/dear-bossip-im-engaged-but-my-fiance-doesnt-put-forth-any-effort-in-the-relationship/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-23T11:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m 23 years old and I have a 3year old daughter.

I’ve been with the father of my child for 10 years and he has been incarcerated for the past 3 years and will be released in June of next year.

The thing is I’ve been sleeping with my next door neighbor for a year and I’m madly in love with him. He also has a 3 year old daughter and our kids play together. When we first met he told me that he was not interested in a serious relationship and was no longer with the mother of his child and I believed him.

A few months later I found out that they were still a couple and were living together but when I asked him if this was true he denied it. He then came clean and said that they were working things out for the sake of their child and that he still wants to casually sleep with me. He has said on many occasions that he doesn’t want me seeing anyone else but he knows that I will be with the father of my child when he gets out. We still plan on sneaking around when my boyfriend gets home but I want more from him. The way I feel for him I’ve never felt for anyone else not even the father of my child, but he just won’t commit to me and I can’t trust him.

Recently, at a party, I got into a confrontation with his girlfriend because they were making out in front of me and I felt disrespected because he saw that I was there and acted like he didn’t care. He vowed to never speak to me after that incident, but that was because the bitch was there but a week later and he was at my door and we’re now sleeping together again.

It seems like he’s never going to leave her alone and I just can’t continue seeing him if he doesn’t, but I don’t know how to let go because I really love him. Should I stay and hope that he changes or just leave him alone? – In Love With My Neighbor

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/515927/dear-bossip-my-childs-father-is-in-prison-im-sleeping-with-my-neighbor-i-want-more-with-him/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-22T13:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I’ve always known I was “born this way (gay),” but as I get older my attraction to females has grown.

No sooner than I came out of the closet to my family and friends, now all of a sudden I feel straighter than ever. Why do I always contradict myself? The only reason I ever wanted to be straight was because it is easier to show love in public, it’s easier to be around family and friends, straight people just seem more happy. Now, since I am no longer a virgin with girls, I’m starting to feel very indecisive once again.

I’ve grown to resent my homosexual encounters because I still cannot find someone who I feel is “man enough for me,” yet I feel more than a man for everyone else. The same applies to females. I would love to just pick one thing and stick with it, but when I pick to be gay, then I am faced with “top” or “bottom” which to me is too similar to “male” or “female”…and that puts me right back where I started.

When I choose to be with a female I feel locked into “the man role.” Being versatile to me is another way of saying, “I’m a freak, I don’t care what we do, just do something to me.” Maybe I should change the way I think. Everything is getting “old” to me. I feel rushed to find a partner because I see everyone bunned up and I want to feel that experience. At the same, I enjoy being a “bottom” for guys, but when I’m with girls it’s almost as if I never had a homosexual thought or tendency ever.

I’m not DL. I’ve actually admitted my sexual experiments to females, some accept, most don’t. However, the curiosity surrounding homosexuality is so intriguing that most people intentionally say the opposite of what they mean. I am so tired of these reverse psychology games. Why can’t I find that one guy who will truly dominate me or one girl who will truly submit?

I use to be a firm believer in, “Being whatever you want.” In other words, you have to be a real “thug” if that is they type of guy you want. But, now nothing I think is making any sense. I am in my early 20’s, very successful career, very confident, very attractive, but I feel like I’m lacking something. Could it be love? I’m sensitive so don’t curry (come 4) me. LOL – Sexually Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/515177/dear-bossip-i-know-im-gay-i-like-women-but-i-dont-always-want-to-be-the-man-in-relationships/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-21T12:31:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I need advice really badly. OK, I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 29 years old.

We were together for 5 years. This man also supported me financially by helping me get a car after high school and giving me a weekly allowance so I that didn’t have to work while in school. Throughout those years, we’ve had our ups and downs but ultimately I loved this man. Five years into our relationship he dumps me over something really petty. I was completely heartbroken but decided it was for the best.

So, I move away and we stayed in touch on and off. About 6 months after our break-up I realized that my life is just so much better without him. I no longer had to stress over him cheating on me or getting abusive or his momma who hated me. I ended up moving back home and started dating my now husband. This is when my ex started stalking me. He would be sitting outside my house, showing up unannounced, leaving crazy threatening voice message, etc. He’s now telling me he loves me and wants to marry me. I changed my number, involved the police, told everyone what was going on.

So, after about 3 months he finally starts to leave me alone. We get married, have a baby, move into our new house- start living a wonderful life with my hubby…Then, bam! Dude sends me an-8 page, 12 font, single spaced letter to my new house! It was part love letter and part confessions of a delusional man. We got the police involved again and I was really stressed out over the whole situation. I was missing work, throwing up, just plain sick. About two weeks later I learned I was pregnant. Then my husband says something I did not expect: he accuses me of having sex with my ex (in his words: “How did he know where we live?”) and carrying his baby.

Now, we start having marital problems. My ex sends packages to my job and home. I mean it was crazy. The last letter he sends states he will never contact me again. Good! So, I have the baby and things start to get a little more normal. (Still having marital problems though). But, I don’t know why I have been having dreams about my ex. Some dreams are of him chasing me. Others are of us being in the same room and me trying to get out. I just had one last night of him proposing me to me and saying he will take care of me and my kids. What does this all mean? Why am I dreaming of him? I don’t even dream about my husband!

I know I can’t talk to my husband about this because he will just accuse me of cheating on him again… I just cannot talk to that man. I’m starting to think that he is working with a witch doctor or something to get into my psyche. I’ve only started having these dreams after he started stalking me the second time around. I know I still care for my ex, but another relationship- HELL NO! I value myself too highly to even consider cheating on my husband with him or leaving to be with him. Last night, I jumped up and started praying over my kids because I was so shook up from the dream. What should I do? – Dreaming Of Mr. Wrong

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/514164/dear-bossip-im-married-but-my-ex-keeps-harassing-stalking-me/#.TvISWM9XQhc.facebook

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-19T11:12:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I really need help sorting this situation out with logic rather my emotions.

I recently started dating a guy (about two months now). We really clicked and the chemistry is crazy. I’ve never connected with anyone like this before. We’ve hang out a few times, and I’ve meant a few members of his family. And things seems to be going ok… (We have not been intimate).

I knew he had a child from a previous relationship, but it was my understanding that him and the child’s mother were no longer together. But, of course he communicated they had a child together.

Well, come to find out…I had received an interesting voice message from, lo and behold, his WIFE who was expecting their second child!!

Shocked and devastated, I confronted him. Long story short, he said that they were “not together,” they were officially separated, and stopped living together 4 months before meeting me, and that she refuses to sign the divorce papers. That she was jealous, etc., blah blah, etc…

And the reason he didn’t come out front with it, was because he didn’t want to scare me off.
So what do I do? Could there be some truth to this twisted situation?

I have since been ignoring his calls, texts , but he is nonstop and wants to start over, fresh, brand new.
But I can’t ignore the elephant in room. Second child on the way – in three months. Still legally married.

I obviously do not want to invest time in someone who is unavailable and taken. That is just not cool. Do I just ignore him until he falls off the face of the earth? LOL…

I’m not mad at him (per se) just sad and disappointed. Because I really did start to have feelings for him and I kind of want closure. So, I feel at some point a conversation will have to take place.

Could we keep it in the friend/buddy lane? Any comments/advice you can provide would be great. I need a point of view that is neutral to the situation or the people involved. Thanks for your help! – Should I Believe Him

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/512526/dear-bossip-ive-learned-the-man-ive-been-seeing-is-married-theyre-expecting-another-child/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-16T16:47:00.002-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend 3 months ago and I still feel those feelings.

I was in a in a relationship with a person who lived 45 minutes away and owns a company. The major way I would talk to him was by texting, and he decided to go 3 months almost 4 months without texting me or having any contact. I waited until the end of the third month to text him “How are you?” just to see what he would say. He responded back saying, “Who is this?” I told him who it was and he did not respond back.

So, two days later I sent him an angry SMS message on his phone and it was three paragraphs of anger because I invested so much in this man. He responded back saying, “Sorry you’re nothing but a sweetheart I just have not had time.” I asked him was it me? “Tell me the truth I can handle it because it will hurt me more to not know the truth,” I said. He told me that it was not it me and that it was him and to give him some time. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him I will pray for him and hope he’s okay and get well. (Time passes and time passes), NADA for a month. (5 months)

So, I sent him a break-up email. Right after I sent the email he told me he that I was right and he did not deserve me or all of the nice things that I said about him, and that I deserved more, and that he wants to keep in contact with me and apologized for not being mature. I have never been so confused in my life and maybe someone can shed light on why a man would do that?

I never wanted to break up, but how could he go 5 months ignoring me but he turns around to call me amazing and apologize? Even saying he wants to keep in contact. WTF? He says it’s because he is busy working most of the time and I know he is a hardworking man but can someone really be that busy? – Ms. Freaking Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/511562/dear-bossip-i-hadnt-heard-from-my-boyfriend-for-3-months-when-i-texted-him-he-responded-who-is-this/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-15T12:34:00.002-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I am a lady aged 26, and I have been seeing this guy who is 29 years old for about 4 months and everything is going on well.

He treats me with respect and really knows how to show a woman a good time. Ever since we met we had not yet had sex until this past weekend, but then I realized one thing: His penis is not circumcised.
He asked me to give him head and I did, but after that I threw up. He asked me what the problem was, and I just cooked up an excuse. But, we then did not manage to proceed to the sexual intercourse.

Do I tell him that I prefer a circumcised penis or what? I cannot let this guy go because he is a very nice man. What should I do? Yours In A Dilemma

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/511019/dear-bossip-hes-uncircumcised-and-im-turned-off-by-it/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-12-15T12:13:00.003-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I need some understanding. My 17-year old son revealed to me that he is bisexual.

I have always thought that he was gay. I think I understand gay and lesbian. Please inform me on bisexuality. I asked my son if he was using prophylactics and he said, “Yes, all the time with boys and girls.” My friends are ok, except one, she thinks that I am too calm. Help me out. – Need Understanding

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-17-year-old-son-revealed-to-me-that-he-is-bi-sexual/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-13T12:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Bossip,

Ok, so where do I begin? Here it goes! Maybe 4 months ago, I met a gentleman online.

We exchanged numbers and gained a really close bond. Talking on the phone 2 to 3 times a day; morning, noon and night. We built a great relationship, for at least I thought. Mind you, he lived in Illinois and I reside in Virginia. So, he suggested I fly up to finally meet.

I purchased my own airline ticket by the way, because he stated; that was all the spending I had to do, and he was correct. I arrived to Illinois, he picked me up from the airport; and again, mind you, this was our very first time meeting in person. So, I really liked what I saw. He was “such” a Gentleman, and YES, he took very good care of me; I did not spend a DIME; stayed for 4 nights. AWESOME!

He introduced me to several of his friends; either they came by or we drove to their homes, which I thought was very sweet. Anyway, to make a long story short, the day of my departure, he asked if I mind if we stop at his brother’s home before going to the airport. Well, of course, I had no problem. His brother, wife and kids were all very nice and hospitable.

So, when it was time to head to the airport, and after getting halfway there, I realized, I left my coat at his brother’s home. Don’t ask? Don’t know how I left a “coat” while visiting Illinois, but I did and we did not have enough time to turn around. Ok, so, I get back home safely to Virginia and I call my friend to let him know; I’m home Babe. We spoke briefly because I was a little tired from the trip, so I suggested we speak the next day. This is where things get really WEIRD!

The next day I call him and I get his voice-mail, and this occurred quite frequently. To the point where I’m becoming questionable. Previously, this is a man that called all the time and never missed any of my calls. But, NOW, he has no conversation, at all! Ok, I’m confused like HELL!

I finally sat still and focused on him, and just the entire event, and came to the conclusion that, here is this 45-year old man who needed his friends and family to OK me! Terrance, am I right or wrong?

I’m hurt and I feel very, mislead by someone that I really, really, thought I knew and liked very much so! I’ve emailed and have only called twice in a respectful manner. Terrance, I’m just trying to get my coat, for real! The second time I called I couldn’t leave a message because his voice-mail is full. WHAT DO I DO?

I’ve accepted and respected his wishes of not wanting to communicate with me further; I get it, I GUESS. But now, I feel as though he’s playing with me and my feelings by totally ignoring me all together. Now, I have his brother’s number and DO NOT want to call him, but seriously, should I? I’m thinking maybe his brother can talk him into at least sending me a YES, via email, pertaining to my Coat. Is this crazy or what? I need some answers. – MAD & MISSING MY COAT!

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/509885/dear-bossip-we-met-online-i-went-to-visit-him-but-i-left-my-coat-he-wont-answer-my-calls/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-12T12:36:00.000-05:00

Hello Bossip,

My hubby and I have been married 10 years with 2 kids. He is in the military.

I am having a serious problem and I will try to make this short even though there is a lot to my story.
One night we had friends over and we were drinking and ended up messing around with another couple. (Me with her hubby, her with mine) This is not something we have ever done before. Ever since then my hubby keeps asking for a threesome with another girl. I keep saying no!!

One night after my birthday, and a couple drinks, he invited the husband over without me knowing, as I was half asleep and drunk. In the morning he told me we had a threesome. (Same husband from above)

I told him after that I never want to do it again because I know its wrong and I was not raised that way. Months later, I went through his cell phone and found a girl he was texting. He was telling her how he wanted her to send him naked pictures, and he wanted to sleep with her. When I confronted him, he said they met at the car wash after almost crashing into each other. They exchanged numbers, and they were basically just texting, and had never met up. He deleted her number after I confronted him.

Everything was fine until he went out of state, and when he came home I found another text with a different girl, and he was again asking for more pictures and asking if she wanted a threesome. I confronted him. He tried to say someone was using his phone, but I knew that was a lie. So, finally he tells me he was sorry and doesn’t want me to be mad because he never got a picture, and they never met up. There were no pictures when I looked through his phone.

He is now deployed. Recently he came home on R & R and when he left to go back to Afghan, I saw a message on his Facebook page from another girl asking her to send him pictures to his email. I confronted him. He said he never got the picture and that he was sorry. After that I noticed he deleted her from his Facebook page. At this point I was so mad I told him I didn’t want to talk anymore. I was feeling totally disrespected and I feel I can’t trust him. He kept trying to talk and I told him when he finds a way to regain my trust then we can talk.

What do you think I should do? It’s been four days and he hasn’t emailed me again trying to apologize or open up as to what his problem is. I am heart-broken and confused because even though he hasn’t cheated, I can’t help but wonder why he keeps asking for pictures because I also send him picturess when he ask me to. And, trust me, I do take sexy pictures because he is my husband. So, I don’t know what the problem is. I am only 110 lbs. He always tells me I am pretty, so I know he is not looking for something else because I am not fat and ugly. I need help figuring out what to do. I don’t want my kids to miss out on not having Dad around but I just feel totally disrespected because I have talked to him each time I caught him which is now the 3rd time. Help me please. Thanks. – Confused And Tired

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/509284/dear-bossip-i-keep-catching-my-husband-inappropriately-texting-other-women/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-12-06T16:44:00.001-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am 20 years old. My husband is 29 years old. I want to start by saying I love him very much. My question to you is: He has this friend, LOL, I sound horrible already! I am very, very attracted to this friend. This friend is very attracted to me as well. He comes over a lot, most of the time when my husband is at work. We have struck up a stronger relationship than he and my husband, or even me and my husband have. We have even discussed the, “if I ever leave my husband” topic.

I love my husband. I want to be with him, but I just don’t feel as attracted to him as I do toward his friend. I have thought about everything. That’s all I ever do. I’m head over heels for this guy, LOL. I don’t know what to do. I’m so torn.

I have brought up stuff like this to my husband, like moving to a state where they allow being married to more than one person. Ha ha, and stuff like that. But, he is totally against it. I have told him I want him to go out one night and screw a random chick to try and get him use to the idea, LOL. He was very against that as well.

I have thought about saying my goodbyes and just going with this guy. I swear he is my prince charming! But that is where the twist is. I have a two year-old daughter from my previous 4 year relationship. We have been together since she was 4 months old. She calls him daddy. He has raised her. I just don’t know what to do. To be honest, the only reason I do love him is because he has stepped up and provided for us and taken my child on as his. That is a very big thing to me. But that is it. The sex is no good. We fuss all the time. He is always pissy about something, and always in a bad mood, etc.

This is so bad, LOL. I am so stuck here! Please tell me what you think I should do! This is just a little to the story. There is tons more! (Me and this guy have had sex, and it’s the best thing I have ever felt!!!) Please, please help! THANKS FOR READING DOLL!!!! – Want My Husband’s Friend

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-love-my-husband-but-i-want-his-friend-im-thinking-of-leaving-with-this-guy/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-06T13:53:00.002-05:00

Dear Bossip,

About eight months ago I met a very handsome man.

Almost immediately we began spending every day together, including spending the night with each other. However, I noticed that he would slowly bring his things over to my house (such as bags of clothes, toothbrush, computer, BATH TOWELS).

After two weeks of dating he asked me where I thought the relationship was going. I answered that I thought we might be able to be a couple in the near future and he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship because he lost his job, doesn’t have a place to stay, and is focused on trying to get back on his own two feet so that he could take care of his daughter. He also told me that he just came out of a terrible relationship (she cheated on him and he ended up getting a restraining order against her) and that he isn’t in the position to fully give his heart to a woman right now. I understood that and allowed him to move in with me.

Since then we have gotten really close, he’s busy starting a business and I am busy pursuing my law career. He never asks me for money and he contributes to rent, utilities, and groceries. He’s always with me on the weekends, he rarely goes out, and I’ve snooped through his phone and he doesn’t seem to be communicating with any other women.

The problem is, every now and then we get into these heated arguments because I am tired of just being a friend to him. After eight months of spending every day together, having sex, and getting to know each other on a deeper level, I feel that I am head over heels in love with him and ready for a relationship.

Every time I bring up the conversation he says that he can only be a close friend to me right now and that he can see us being together in the future. He always mentions that he isn’t seeing any other women and that he feels that having a relationship will distract him from doing the things he needs to do in life right now which is to save money and work to make his business a success.

He has introduced me to his family and I have met his daughter, but he introduces me as a “friend.” He never takes me out because he doesn’t have the funds, but he has done other things like cook me fancy dinners. I’m in love with him and I am willing to wait but I’m apprehensive that when he finally gets on his feet he will move on from me and all of the time we spent together will be a waste. My friends keep telling me he is using me because he doesn’t want a relationship but he keeps telling me that he wants to be financially stable before he thinks about being in a relationship. Bossip! I need your help. IS HE USING ME? – Totally Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/506307/dear-bossip-he-lives-under-my-roof-and-he-refuses-to-commit-to-me/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-06T13:51:00.002-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been with the same man on and off for almost 4 years.

For the first 5 months, he and I were inseparable. Then he went to jail. I found out he had possibly 3 babies on the way, and all due the same month (Two of them turned out to be his).

I was also pregnant, but decided to abort the baby because I was sure I was done with him and didn’t want any parts of him. Well, he gets out of jail five months later, and with lots of apologies and pleading I gave him another chance.

We planned our daughter soon after, and while I was 4 months pregnant I found out he was cheating on me. I dumped him and didn’t speak with him until a week before I was to deliver. Our daughter will be 2-years old next month and we recently started having a sexual relationship.

He wants to move in with me and be a “family,” but I don’t know if I can trust that he has changed and wants to be exclusive. Oh yeah, while were broken up he got another woman pregnant. So, besides his two soon to be 3-year olds, and our 2-year old, he has a 4-month old baby. Do you think I should give him another shot, or just move on? – TORN

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/506815/dear-bossip-he-has-3-other-baby-mommas-but-he-wants-to-be-a-family-with-me-his-child/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-12-01T20:40:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been involved with this wonderful guy for over six years off and on.

During one of the times we were not involved I ended up getting pregnant by someone else. We ended up not talking for awhile after that because he was very upset with me having a baby on him.

We have no title as far as boyfriend or girlfriend. We do talk about marriage. We do tell each other we love one another. He has a problem showing his sensitive side and so do I. We live 3 hours apart from each other, and also we have never had sex. He says all his past relationships have been based on sex and he wants more than that with me. I guess my question is, am I wasting my time waiting for this to go somewhere?? Please help – Hoping He’s The One

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/504828/dear-bossip-weve-been-off-on-for-6-years-never-had-sex-i-wonder-if-im-wasting-my-time/#.TtfCKEq5tAY.facebook

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-12-01T12:22:00.001-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I met this guy online after I decided to get on Myspace for the first time in over a year.

He left comments on my photos a while back and I decided to email him and see how he was doing. He moved up north and he asked me to text him. I am currently in a relationship, but it is not going well at all. He was aware and still wanted to talk to me.

We texted back and forth and he sent me a picture of his “thang.” He asked me to do the same, which I reluctantly did. I have never done anything like that in my life, but he was so fine and saying all the right things. Plus he is FINE!

So the sexting continues and progresses into videos. Until last week when i stopped hearing from him. We were texting everyday. What should I do? I texted him good morning on two different days and got no response. He was texting me constantly.

Now I feel horrible because there are naked pics and videos of me and they are in the hands of someone who can’t communicate with me. I am too embarrassed to tell me friends. I am on Facebook now but I’m not sure if I should try to friend him. I am pissed and confused. Help a sista out. – Texting Disaster

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-met-online-i-sent-him-explicit-pics-videos-of-me-now-hes-disappeared/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-30T12:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I had a sexual relationship with a man on and off for 3 years. I was with someone and so was he.

Well, my guy and I got married and then separated, so I went back to messing around with the other guy. Well, in the third year I found out I was prego around the time my husband and I started back communicating. I told the other guy and of course he didn’t want the baby due to him being with someone else. Just because it wasn’t a “convenient” time for him he wanted to pay for an abortion.

This was my first pregnancy and I am a grown woman with my own job and home so I was not about to abort my baby for no one’s convenience. I explained to the other guy that I don’t need his help in no way. My husband found out I was pregnant. After tons of tears and being upset, he understood that we were not together during the time I got pregnant. He wanted to help take care of my baby with me. He wanted to be a family, and til this day he has done just that. He is truly my baby’s daddy in every way, other than the bloodline.

The other guy is a thug street dude with no potential to be anything better, but a good lay. I accepted that for what it was and that’s why I only chose to sex him. He wasn’t good for anything else. What can I say?

So, after my baby was born his family tried to be involved with my baby, but there was only one glitch….his son’s mother doesn’t know about my baby, who is also his girlfriend. So, of course I had to bring my baby to his home (that he shares with his mom, sister, brother, and dad) at a certain time and leave at a certain time to avoid his baby momma seeing my baby. It’s no denying my child is his once you see my baby. They are twins. And I’m sure she was being hidden from his other baby momma when she came around. On top of that, they only bothered to make an attempt to see her, maybe, once. I was the one who had to take her to them and that was maybe once a month.

After playing this game for a year I have decided I want no parts of the other guy at all. My child has a healthy home with a mommy and daddy. I don’t want my daughter to have any parts of the other guy’s drama especially if he chooses his girlfriend baby momma’s feelings over my child, by not admitting to her he has another baby. My child deserves more than to be a tucked away secret. I have pretty much disappeared, and if my child never sees him again, it will be too soon. Am I wrong for keeping her away? Am I making the right decision? – Protecting My Child

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/504220/dear-bossip-im-keeping-my-daughter-from-him-because-he-wont-acknowledge-her-to-his-baby-momma/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-11-30T12:32:00.001-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have a pastor question, too. I liked your answers. So, I thought, ok, I will try.

I dated a Pastor, Bishop, Doctor, hell, he is all. I met him online, and fell hard for him. He lives in New Jersey, and I live in Boston. We met after one year of talking on the phones, internet, etc.

Well, come to find out, it was all a big joke and trick. He was either married or engaged. And after I did some research, I learned this is what he does. He gets nasty with woman online, and then goes home and be kind and sweet to his wife. They have children. He has a church, doctor’s office, etc.

And, he calls himself the man that walks with God. But, he is not godly

Do I let him go on and get caught? Or, do I warn people? He calls himself a Bishop, a Doctor, Businessman. But I know better. Do I let him ruin others? Or try and stop him. – Almost The Pastor’s Mistress

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-met-a-pastor-online-ive-learned-hes-married-does-this-all-the-time/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-29T11:08:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

Help! I’ve been in a relationship for about 19 months.

My boyfriend is everything I ever wanted; cute, ambitious, successful, athletic, and intelligent. I have more than a few issues- I talk to him and see him less and less every month and I haven’t met any of his family.

First off, we met at a club in the city of Windsor a few hours away from Toronto. We exchanged numbers and he ended up calling me the week after. After seeing him a few more times, talking on the phone almost every day, and developing this strong connection, he asked me about being exclusive and I agreed.

He’s been taking me to this rental property he claimed to be renovating. For the last 6 months he’s been taking me to motels and hotels because he said the property was sold. He says he doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable at the home he shares with his mom which is why he opts to check in somewhere. I don’t even know where he lives!

Sometimes I call and never get him. I’d go more than a week without hearing from him. He always claims to be taken aback with family issues or working late, or being called out for last minute business meetings/trips. On special holidays and his birthday he’s unavailable and he’s forgotten my last two birthdays. I always heard stories about his family but I am still yet to meet any of them. I’ve only met one of his “home boys.” The biggest thing is that when we first met, he claimed to have no family in the country – that he had to do a lot of commuting to the United States to see them. The thing is, every time he stands me up or I don’t hear from him, a new family member or issue comes out of the woodwork.

Am I being delusional? Is this really a relationship? Should I just take the advice of my family and friends that he’s up to no good and this scenario is more than fishy? Please Help! – Desperately Delusional

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/503560/dear-bossip-weve-been-together-19-months-i-dont-know-where-he-lives-he-takes-me-to-hotels-motels/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-23T11:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I met this chick over the summer of last year. We fell instantly for each other.

She’s smart, funny, talented, kind and just plain down to earth. So, we started off as friends and then started to become an item. It was like the world around me didn’t matter, only her. We were always together and our love got stronger each day. At the same time that summer my dad passed. And, my mom passed too. I’m an only child, so it’s just me at the end.

It was hard to process and I’m still dealing with it to this day. I went into a deep depression and needed to grieve. My girl was there, but made things harder. She kept telling me, “-ish happens, deal with it,” and was fed up with me. At that time, I just wanted to get out of the depression, so I went to counseling. I thought coping was important and to get myself together so I can be better for her and me. That was my main objective. I wanted to make her happy.

Before my dad passed she was the center of my universe. After that, I kind of shut down and just didn’t know what to do with myself. My family was all I had. How in the hell I was supposed to suck that up? It just got overwhelming to the point where I’ll take some days off for myself and tell her I need to get better. She’ll say she understands, but get mad when I do it. I just needed space from her because she was not understanding me at all and pushing me so hard. It’ll make me angry and just plain sad because she wasn’t the person I thought she was. We argued and fought, and she’ll usually win.

Despite all that, I loved the girl more than I did myself. I told her how much she meant to me and how serious I was. Her too, she said she felt the same way and wanted us to work badly. I know that I wasn’t taking time to cope like I was supposed to. I was so conflicted, but she came first. I did everything I could really, so I gave up coping and focused on her.

She just became so demanding and it just was getting crazy. She broke up with me to only come back making a speech about how much she needed me, how we should get serious, and how she wanted me in her life. So, I thought she knew what she was doing and wanted to stop it. Instead, one week after getting back together, she cheated on me with a random dude. I had to catch her and confront her after seeing her flirting on Twitter. She just run off, leaving me messed up about the whole thing. I went back into a depression. I ran into her a few months later. She finally said sorry and how she was lost, and that she wanted to be friends, and that she was single. Acting like it never happened. So, I told her off. How bad she hurt me and it was like a joke to her.

So afterwards, we stopped talking. That’s when she decided to take it to Twitter and dog me out. How much she hates me, how I lost something good and how I don’t exist.. She been doing this for months on in, even got a new dude she “loves” so much. How low would she go to make me even more upset? How can I get over this? If you can give me some input, that’ll be cool. – Confused As Hell

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/501942/dear-bossip-i-lost-both-of-my-parents-my-girl-told-me-to-get-over-it-that-things-happen/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-22T12:50:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m a 30 year old woman with a college degree, good job, my own house, car, etc.

I’ve been in a relationship with a man since I was 19 years old. We have twin girls together who are 7 years old. Early on in our relationship I cheated on him with several men. He forgave me and on we went with our lives. About 4 years ago I wake up one morning and he was lying next to me in our bed with another females name tattooed on his arm. He told me that he was in love and leaving me while at the time I had no job and was on government assistance. A couple of months later he said he wanted his family back and couldn’t live without us. I took him back. Needless to say this has been going on since then, back and forth between me and her.

Recently I finally decided to contact the “other woman.” We met at a restaurant and had a REALLY long conversation. She never knew anything about me. He told her that I had my babies and gave him custody of them and moved down south, which was a lie. He told her that we never had a relationship and I was just his “jump-off” (oh she has his name on her chest also). But in actuality we lived together and had a very real relationship for years. He even took her around his family and bought her a ring. I mean I knew about her, but he would tell me that he wasn’t involved with her when he was involved with me. He always made it seem like he was done with her and he was on me (stupid I know).

Well, when he found out I contacted her he blew up on me. He told me that he was going to kill me for ruining his relationship, he never loved me, fuck me and my kids, it was all about her and her son, and they were going to make another family& get married. Of course I was hurt. But now as I think back on some of the things he’s said and done, he really didn’t love me and was in love with her all along and was just tolerating me because I had his kids.

I guess my question is how do I get over this? In no way do I want his ass back I will never forgive him for this, but it doesn’t make my situation any less difficult to deal with. I call myself getting over it but it hurts. I still cry my eyes out and feel sorry for myself. I just don’t see me being happy…..ever! I try not to let this taint my view on men, but it’s hard not to become an ice princess. I want to find a healthy, happy relationship but I just don’t know if that is in God’s plan for me. I think He is teaching me a lesson from when I cheated on him in the past.

I’m trying my best to move on but it just hurts so bad! It’s like I’m mad at myself for even letting this get to me. What do I have to do to move on and get past this? It has only been a month since everything went down, but I am so ready to move on with my life and live a happy healthy one. I’m trying to meet men but of course I keep running into ass holes!! I’m not trying to rush into anything, but I do want some male companionship.

I’m not sure if they are still together or not because when I talked to her she said she was done with him, but I don’t believe her and he still picks up our girls and he has her son with them. We have no communication at all with each other and it kind of hurts that he hasn’t apologized or reached out to me (not that it would have mattered) but just to know that someone hates you so much really hurts. It’s also scary being by myself after being with someone for so long. I feel so lost and helpless. I have no one to call on in my time of need. I smile when I’m in front of family and friends, but I cry when I’m home alone and the kids are asleep. Most people don’t know what’s going on because I’m so embarrassed to tell them because we have been together so long. How do I tell them that he has finally left me for this other woman and they are about to get married? Please help me because I’m in so much pain and I don’t know how to deal with it. – Need To Move On

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/501395/dear-bossip-he-tattooed-her-name-on-him-told-me-he-loved-her-he-left-me/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-17T14:20:00.002-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m involved with a guy that I’ve met 6 years ago.

When I first met him we did not get involved with each other because I was on vacation, and I met him a day before I was coming back to the United States, which I was in my country at the time.
As time goes by, I never heard from him and last year in October he was here in the United States on vacation and I bump into him again. Since then we exchanged contact information and emails, and we’ve been involved ever since. But, he lives in my country (Cape Verde Island), which I go there twice a year, and every time I go there we do see each other. I was just there in August and while I was home we saw each other. He told me that he has a girl, which was fine with me.

He does not have any kids and he always wanted to have kids, but he thought he had a problem getting woman pregnant. So, to make my story short, when I get back to the states I find out that I’m pregnant by him. I immediately let him know about it and he was all happy. But, a couple of weeks later he told me that his girlfriend is pregnant also. I was very disappointed, but there is nothing I can do.

I’m having his baby and he really wanted it, and I do also. Now, he has two women pregnant and we both are due in May 2012. By they way, I’m 37 years old, and I already have a set of twins that are 14years old. Please advise me on what to do. – Carrying His Baby

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/499200/dear-bossip-he-told-me-he-had-problems-getting-women-pregnant-now-me-his-girlfriend-are-expecting/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-16T13:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

After reading what you have told others I REALLY need your advice.

I’m a 29 year old independent young lady with my own car, job, place and things. After moving to a new state, I met a good guy (who I didn’t know before moving), that I have a lot in common with, and trust, care for, laugh with, and who keeps and makes me happy, and whom I now love. Though it has only been a few months (4 very lovely months) I haven’t ever felt like this before and can see a future with him. He’s all that I secretly prayed for in a partner!

What’s bothering me is that he is 30 years old, not gainfully employed, and not the greatest at making sound money decisions. I still allowed him to move in knowing he wasn’t working. In the time that I have known him he has been saying he is going to do what it takes to get back to work and be every thing he can be and be the partner/companion I need and he wants to be.

My issue is my patience is running thin since I feel like it has been awhile already! I have been VERY understanding (he has damaged or broken a few of my things and has not been able to replace them). I moved here with the little I could pack in my sedan, and now I’m making less and my bills alone are more than what I’m use to. So, I don’t have much to spare. And I don’t want to lose what could be great for me, but I’m feeling like everything has happened so fast since our connection is so strong. But, I DO want a partner that can do for me what I already do for myself, and who can provide for me in every aspect. He’s very encouraging, supportive, and really treats me like a queen. And though he doesn’t have a steady job, what he does get for being ex-military he shares with me (but it’s not enough to cover expenses).

I’ve been in past relationships where later I felt used and like a fool because of the guy lying about his circumstances and me paying for EVERY THING. I’m not a gold digger (or I wouldn’t have got with him to start with) but I’m not going to be a fool either. I’m so confused about what to do. I love him and don’t want to make him pay for another’s mistake, but I also don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes. I don’t feel like it is too much to ask that he is able to provide for himself consistently before he gets with me, but I feel like I have already allowed him to get with me without this in place already.

Is it possible to now slow it down and hold off on the romance and sex till he makes better finical decisions, gainfully employed, shows that he is the provider, and the security I need in a real relationship? So please help me!!! Is it to late to start over? To just be friends for awhile? Am I tripping for trying to have a relationship with him since he’s not everything I feel I need right now or should we try and take it slow since it seems he’s all I want later? – Ms. Did I Ruin It With My Good Guy

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/498468/dear-bossip-i-let-him-move-in-despite-him-being-unemployed-but-i-think-i-made-a-mistake/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-11-16T13:17:00.001-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have been in a relationship with a man for over 12 years. I love him dearly and know that he loves me. My every want and desire he gives me.

I have always suspected that he was cheating and I would have reoccurring dreams about this. He has recently told me that he has been in a relationship with a woman for three years and has an 18 month old child with her. I was obviously devastated with this news. He said that he does love her and there is nothing else between them, other than the fact that they have a child together.

He stated his desire for us to move forward past this and said that he is working on being a better man. But, I still feel a lot of hurt and anger, and the trust is no longer there. We live in different states, which definitely make it easy for him to lie and cheat. However, we commute frequently to see each other, and he said he will move to where I am. But, like I said there is a lot of hurt and anger that I am feeling. I love him and still want to be with him, and on the other hand I just do not know what to do. – Hurt And Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-learned-hes-been-seeing-another-woman-for-3-years-has-a-child-with-her/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-15T13:50:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

Wassup! Man I been with this girl for a year and I constantly gave her signs I wanna be single.

She avoids it all. She makes it seem like I don’t have a right to be with who I wanna be with. We both are very spiritual people (lose my way time to time but I always come back to the almighty). She says she loves me and she wanna have my last name. But I’m not satisfied with her choices or how she expresses her love.

I tried every trick in the book: Cussing her out. Telling her the meanest -ish possible. Telling her I don’t want her, yet she still attached to me. I tell her there’s millions of other guys out in the world that will treat her right, but she just won’t leave.

I think she knows that nobody can do her like I do, or nobody will care like I care. I’m 21 and I’m bout to join the Navy and she’s tryna stop me. She’s wifey material and she can be an ideal wife, but I don’t feel I should be a part of something I don’t want. I don’t wanna fornicate or carry the burden of someone else’s baggage. I wanna be free and I want her to understand that I want the real woman God sent for me. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of telling her I don’t love her even if she still love me.

I only go back with her because she threatens suicide and she might do it and I don’t want that burden on my hands, so I take her back. She once stabbed herself when I left her and threatened to stab herself some more if I don’t take her back. I turn girls down all the time because I don’t believe in cheating. (An, they be bad women, bruh). But, I feel she just don’t have energy like that I’m searching for.

She needs to leave me alone and find her soul-mate cause I don’t want her. And even if I’m her soul-mate I will reject her. I’m 6 feet 1, 250lb linebacker that bench presses 485 lbs and squats 650 lbs (quit football cause I lost the passion for it) and she scares me. (She’s 5’1 and 112lbs). I’m tired of her not accepting we will be friends. Please, please, please, help me! – Scared Of This Chick

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/497896/dear-bossip-i-told-her-that-i-dont-want-to-be-with-her-but-she-wont-leave-me-alone/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-11-15T13:32:00.000-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

My man and I have a wonderful relationship. We both have fantastic jobs. He is great with my and his own children (from previous marriages), and he takes good care of me and our household with no problem. We attend church, many social functions, go out on date nights, travel, and get along great. A woman could not ask for a better partner and our life together could not get any better. We have discussed marriage, but decided to wait until we both have our own individual situations in order before coming together as a union.

The issue is that he is addicted to porn and dating websites. I have used his computer a few times and noticed throughout the day that he is watching ALOT of porn and going onto dating websites looking at women. He is on the computer from the time he either gets home or wakes up, when he is not working, until he lays his head down for the night. He does not respond to the messages on the sites, nevertheless, I can tell he is looking at profiles and porn.

I’m home as well in the evening, but he gets there a few hours before I do. When we are there I do not smother him and we give each other space, but we find time to spend with each other. I’ve had close friends say, “You should not care about it. He is good to you and a man is going to be a man.”
I have tried to turn the “other cheek” but I cannot deny that it bothers me. He comes home from work every day and has never stayed a night out. I do not ask him a lot of questions when he is gone out because I’ve never been the type of woman to feel the need to know my man’s every move and whereabouts. I know he previously was into very sexual things that included swinger parties/threesomes and he has it bad staring at women when we are in public, but I tease him about it.

I’ve had open communication with him about fantasies and we try different things to attempt to make our love life more exciting. I know he loves me very much, but I really do not know how to feel about him right now knowing that he is doing this. – Discombobulated

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-is-on-porn-dating-websites-all-day-it-bothers-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-11-14T21:24:00.001-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am going to start out saying that I really don’t know what to do.

I am a single mother of two kids. My son will be 18 next month, and my daughter will be 14 on May the 1st. I have been with the same man for six years, and when we got together I was 28 and he was 43. The man came in treating my kids and I like royalty. He gave us whatever we wanted when we wanted it. Not only that, he helps me provide for my mother and my brother, who is now 39 years old, and living with my mom.

Now, this man is a very good mechanic. He works on his own, and makes his own money. And, still right now he does everything that he needs to do as a man, and to keep our house afloat. I guess you are asking if I got it like this with this man, what is my complaint. Well, my complaint is that he uses drugs. Not the green stuff, but the white stuff. That’s our biggest problem. He does good sometimes, and others I just don’t know. I can’t say the drugs are not in the way of things, because even though we are living good and have all the things that I want, I know we can have a whole lot more only if he didn’t have his habit.

So, I sat and prayed, and prayed and asked God to show me the way. Believe me when I say, I know God have my back. Because out of all that the man is really a good man. Sometimes I try not to judge him, because I have the habit of smoking me a joint every now and then. But, that is way different. He doesn’t judge me, so I feel sometimes why am I judging him. It’s very confusing because my friends say as long as he is taking care of home, and his business then why do I stress so much. Because I guess I stress because it’s the drug of his choice. No drug is greater than the other, a drug is a drug. I just need some closure, maybe a piece of mine.

My son is going to be graduating in June and off to college he goes, and we have a very open and close relationship, because before I got with this man, it was only my kids and I. He just kind of snuck up on us. But, I have to give much respect to my son because with him seeing the things that I go through, and the things that he does, my son has never gotten out of line, never disrespected him, or anything. As a matter of a fact he and my daughter love the ground he walks on. My daughter is the reason we are still here. She is a very hopeful young lady. She always say, “Momma maybe we can help daddy,” or, “If we leave him, he won’t have no body.”

I really don’t want that to be the reason I stay, and I won’t lie, I love him, I just want him to be and do better. Can you give me a little insight on what I can do to help the situation. There is one thing I do know, if God don’t change the situation, he will give you the strength to handle the situation. – Loving A Drug Addict

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-in-love-with-a-drug-addict-i-pray-that-god-delivers-him/

Fat Joe Admits There Are Gays In Hip Hop And They Run It...

2011-11-11T10:55:00.002-05:00

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-11T10:26:00.001-05:00

Dear Bossip,

All I want to say is that I made a lot of mistakes in my life far as men.

I’m 27 and have a bright future. I work part-time and go to school part-time. I want to be an officer of the law and then a DEA Agent. Far as them goals go I’m doing just fine and I’m about to graduate next year.

My love life is going so wrong and what I’m doing is wrong. I love older guys and is married to one who is 59 years old, but we are separated, but I left him to be with a married man who is 51 years old and has been married for at least 31 years. Hell, he left his wife to be with me. We now live in apartment together after we both left our houses to be with each other. It’s been ups and downs because of how our spouses feel about us leaving. To make a long story short. His wife didn’t know that that we was living together at first because he lied and told her he wanted to be by himself. I lied and told my husband that I was living alone.

What happened was that I went through his phone and found out that he was going to church with his wife (which we go to the same church that I’m a member of and I haven’t been in awhile because my ex goes there), texting her that he loves her and misses his family. So, I text her after saying that that he lives with me and we just got done having sex, which was true. We kind of been caught before with each other numerous of times mostly by her and once by my husband and he still wanted to see me. So, I told him what I did and he was livid about me texting her from his phone and we ended up back together. Even though he don’t go to church with his wife now. We went through each other phones and I seen a text saying, “I hope God put us back together.”

Now, his excuses for telling his wife this and the first text is because he wanted to be politically correct (Which he trying to go for chairman at his job). Then it was that he was trying to see if it was worth leaving his marriage for. Now he trying to be-friend her so she won’t tell nobody at his job because they work together because he want the chairman’s position. I told him if he wants to go back to his wife then go back with her but he says he wants to be with me. He been away for about 3 months now and says if I wanted to be with her I would’ve been with her.

I asked him to stop texting his wife that and if he want be friends with her then do that without the extra. He say he was doing that because he do misses his family (his kids are grown now) and he feels guilty about leaving her like that because now she has the house and she act like she don’t know what to do because he usually pays all the bill and the landscaping and blah! blah! blah!

Throughout the years he been married he cheated on her since day one. I’ve only cheated once since I’ve been married, which is not good on both our behalf. I married for a different reason and he has his own which don’t make it right. I’m ready for a divorce and to start over right without drama (not to say with him) and lies and deceit, but with someone in the future who gone love me right and I love them the same way. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the man I’m with and he says he love me but I know just because you love someone you don’t got to be with each other. Especially when you both played the game and I feel like he still playing.

I don’t know what he still telling his wife because I don’t go through his phone no more. He say he wouldn’t tell her that no more and he wants me to be his wife. That’s not the reason why I don’t go though his phone no more. I just feel like whatever he do that’s on him. I turned my focus on school and graduating and getting my life together. I want to be with him, but he has not talk to no divorce lawyer yet even though he said he was about a month ago. My thing is if he did it to his wife he would do it to me and which he did technically. Also what he told me about him and his wife must not of been truthful. What should a girl to do? – Love Older Men

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/496100/dear-bossip-were-both-cheating-on-our-spouses-he-keeps-telling-me-hes-getting-a-divorce/

Today is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-11-10T13:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

Hi there! I will try not to ramble on, but my entire brain is dazed and confused.

I have been dating this awesome guy for a few months and recently we have decided to make it official. He possesses all the qualities I could wish for in a mate. I am recently divorced and have shared with him that I am not ready to start having sex.

So, last weekend I was invited to his dad’s birthday cookout at his parents’. We were having a great time and I was meeting a lot of his family and friends. My man and I ended up falling asleep on the couch. There had been a lot of drinking going on. I don’t drink, but was just super tired. Anywho, I felt myself being lifted up and placed on another couch. I didn’t bother to open my eyes because I thought it was my man trying to make me comfortable. Then I felt groping and sloppy kisses all over my neck and chest. I wiped the crust out my eyes to see his DADDY IN FULL DRUNKEN ACTION!!! I kicked and pushed him off of me, jumped up and woke my man up. I was screaming and told him what his dad had done. So, my man (still drunk) starts swinging on his dad. By now, his mom wakes up and is trying to break up the fight. I’m collecting my things and looking for my keys to get the heck out of there. I’m crying and make it to my car. My man comes running after me asking if I’m OK and begging me to stay. I jump in and drive off.

He has been calling me ever since that incident, but I just can’t talk to him. He’s shown up to my place twice and I don’t answer the door. I get at least 3 emails a day asking me to call him. I’m confused. I mean what am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to continue this relationship after that incident? Damn, why can’t his daddy be normal?!?! My man does have his own place, but he comes from a really close family. On a side note: ever since being introduced to his dad I’ve noticed that he gives me a certain look. I thought all along it was the, “Son, you picked a good one” look not the, “Damn, I wanna hit that” look. I haven’t told anyone about this incident because it’s so embarrassing! Help! – Caught Up In Some -ish!

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/495676/dear-bossip-my-boyfriends-dad-tried-to-take-advantage-of-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-11-10T11:25:00.002-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I met this guy “Robert” at a bar on a Friday. We exchanged numbers and planned to hang out the next day because I was headed off to another place to meet up with friends. However (and probably unfortunately) I ended up seeing him after the bars closed as I was walking my friend home. His friend and him ended up walking us to her place and both of them caught a cab home to my place. We ended up drinking some more and just talking and eventually his friend left. The next morning after a night of cuddling and making out we had sex. We woke up, talked for awhile, and then eventually I drove him home. When he got out of the car he said he would call me later and kissed me goodbye (on the lips mind you). Yet all day he never called.

I know the three day rule but honestly think it is ridiculous so I text him on Sunday. We kept the conversation light and he replied to my texts (which he could have blown me off). But now it is been a couple of days and nothing. I kind of like him and would really like to see him again to get to know him better. Hopefully hang out with out having sex. Do you think it is a loss cause or should I just be more patient? I know it was probably a mistake sleeping with him so fast but do you think I can get things back on track? Should I make the second move and invite him to hang out? – Impulsively Searching For Love

Dear Gay Best Friend,

What do I do when I like someone but they are in the middle of a divorce? – Liking A Married Man

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I met a guy on face book and I cuddled a little with him at the first date. He didn’t even ask me to become his girlfriend or anything. We met again two days later. We cuddled a lot again. After that, I called him a couple of times. He answered me, but he won’t call me himself. He pretends that he’s busy so he doesn’t have time to see me. But, I really like this guy and I don’t wanna let go of him. I wanna know if there is something I could do about it to make it work? – Liking My Facebook Friend

You can read my responses to these letters, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/basic-thursday-terrance-dean-answers-basic-letters-from-basic-women/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip....

2011-11-08T13:18:00.000-05:00

Dear Bossip,

I am desperately writing to you because I am completely confused.

Here is the deal. I was in a relationship for about four and a half years, off and on, with a seemingly good guy. We shared the same sense of humor, he had his -isht together (career wise), and although he wasn’t the most beautiful rose in the bouquet, I was attracted to him.

Over the course of our relationship he constantly made me second guess how he felt about me because he is “not an emotional guy.” We never touched or kissed. We would go months with no sex, even though we lived together (this would make me feel unattractive, which I can assure you I’m not). And, out of our relationship he never climaxed during sex with me (a first for me and another downer for my self esteem).

He would call me fat or insinuate I needed to eat more healthy. The heaviest I was with him is 120 lbs and I got down to 109, and I thought that would help out with the other issue (NOPE).He would call me dumb/stupid/retarded when we didn’t see eye to eye, and he eventually always seemed to be annoyed with me. Oh, and can I also add that after 41/2 years he only agreed to meet my family once because he “didn’t see what they had to do with the relationship.” He also hated my friends. We would stay together about a year and break up because he said we wanted different things.

One time he told me he thought he got a girl pregnant on one of our breaks but never gave her name, or any info about the baby, and before the baby was to be “due” he said he got a test and it wasn’t his and it just seemed made up. But every time we would end up back together because, “I am the only woman he would marry.”

Anyways, I finally couldn’t take it anymore and after our second try of living together and fourth attempt at working on things, I moved out. In between my break-ups with my ex I met a good guy. He is nice, loves his family and MINE, loves to go places, we enjoy a healthy sex life (and he enjoys sex with me), and is extremely nice to me, BUTTTTTTT, he is cheap at times, smacks his food, and his personality is ……Corny. He also can be a little bit of a jerk (but he really tries). But, I do not question that he loves me and will treat me nice.

My ex and I still talk and he is nicer than ever now that we are apart. He also desires me sexually now that we are apart (but still doesn’t climax). I know it’s wrong to cheat but I don’t want to lose either of them. Even though my ex is a complete JERK I feel like no one could ever understand him like me. But I feel like the new guy treats me with the attention and respect I deserve. I truly care about him but the annoying habits are too much. Am I being too picky? Is the new guy not “the one” either? Why does it still seem appealing to go back to my ex and be treated like crap? I am 24 and both men are close to 30 (my ex is 29 and the new guy 30 and divorced (her fault)). I feel like the decisions I make now will either lead me to great marriage or a life filled with rocking chairs and cats. PLEASE HELP. – Desperately Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/494182/dear-bossip-my-ex-calls-me-out-of-my-name-treats-me-like-crap-but-i-find-it-appealing/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-11-08T13:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am really confused. I have been married to my husband for a year and we have been together almost a three years.

Five months before we got married he moved out of our home and moved back with his mother. He told me he wasn’t ready to get married. Two weeks later, I find out that he has went back to his baby’s mother. I was devastated and mad as hell. Two months later we talked and ended up getting back together. A couple months after that we got married. I thought we were doing good.

We got married in August and I found out I was pregnant in January. Not exactly was I was planning on since I had started school again. With my pregnancy I became super sick because of my high blood pressure. Two months later my husband loses his job and I’m dumbfounded. Our relationship went from bad, because of my pregnancy, to worst, because of his job lost.

We talked many times about getting a divorce and getting on with our lives. During these last couple of months I have been in and out of the hospital with this pregnancy. Eventually, my husband got a job cutting hair. One day I went to get my tags for my car and I called him while I was in line and I didn’t get an answer, and he always answers when I call. I remember getting off the exit to go home and something told me to go check his job or his mom house to see if he was there. No he wasn’t. I went to his baby’s mother apartment and there is his car sitting there. I’m crying and calling him and got no answer. I decided to put him out. I had the spare key to his car and I took his car, brought it home and loaded it up.

I talked to his baby mother and I found out that they had been sleeping with each other since he lost his job in March. I just so happen to catch him that day. I’m confused on what to do. Of course he has begged and apologized. It’s November and my baby’s due and our lease is up our apartment. I’m on disability because of my pregnancy and money is small compared to what I made before getting pregnant. He says that he doesn’t want a divorce and he was sorry and it won’t happen again. I’m on my last straw, the last days of my pregnancy and lease for our apartment. What should I do? We have already gone through counseling. – Stay Or Try Again

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/hellobeautiful-original/terrancedean/he-didnt-want-to-get-married-but-we-did-now-hes-still-sleeping-with-his-baby-momma/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip....

2011-11-04T11:08:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m in a sticky situation and don’t know what to do. I’m a 21 year old University student with a full time job. I was dating a man 10 years my senior.

Aside from the age gap he has 2 kids by 2 different women. Most people around me (people who don’t know I have baggage too) said I was crazy to be dating him but the truth is I love him. I’ve known him for 4 years but we’ve only been together since June of this year because I didn’t want to be in such a serious relationship, with someone who has kids, when we first met. He has treated me like a queen, with the utmost respect and I’m also really close with his family, his children also really love me, the oldest even calls me mommy!

Here is my predicament, since we started dating in June he has made a lot of promises he has yet to keep. He said he would quit smoking (weed and cigarettes), he said he would change his phone number, he said he would go back to school to complete his engineering degree, and he also said he would buy a house. Aside from all these empty promises I recently caught him in a lie, it was a lie about something that happened before we were exclusive so I forgave him. I know I also brought baggage to the relationship as well. I was raped when I was 19 and he was there for me through it all even after I found out I contracted an STD as a result of the rape. He decided to be in an exclusive relationship with me regardless of my ongoing health issues and trust issues.

Now we’ve been fighting for the past few weeks and I broke up with him this past weekend but now I want him back. I know it’s only been 5 months but I’m simply tired of all the empty promises. I think a man his age should be more mature and responsible. Should I stay with him to please my heart or should I leave him to keep my sanity? Also, if he makes these changes should I take him back eventually? I know I can do better but I truly love this man. – Needing Him

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/492031/dear-bossip-he-keeps-reneging-on-his-promises-to-change-himself-im-fed-up/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-11-03T13:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,
This is a 2 part question:

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1 year. I love him very much. I have a 7 year old son and he has a 4 year old son.

My problem is that he has yet to introduce me to his family, but he knows mine. When I sat down and talked to him about that he told me that it was no big deal and that he doesn’t want me to feel like I am not sharing every part of his life. That was two weeks ago, yet to he hasn’t brought the subject up or introduced me to his family.

Furthermore, I hate when he does a disappearing act and it’s been happening quite frequently. Friday nights is our date night and he will stand me up and don’t call, or don’t show. When I call to find out what happened he won’t answer his phone. When he does resurface his lame excuse is that he hates disappointing me and can’t tell me no. He feels bad when he can’t make it that’s why he don’t answer cause he hates hearing the disappointment in my voice. I spoke to him about it and it’s still a trend for him. WHAT SHOULD A GIRL DO?- Ms. Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-wont-introduce-me-to-his-family-he-disppears-on-our-date-night/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip....

2011-11-02T10:47:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I need help with a situation that involves the woman that I love and her so called best friend.

She told me that in 2007 that he professed his love for her and that they should be together, but she shot him down and said she will never see him as anything more than a friend and will never be attracted to him. Well, according to her he didn’t take that news too well and said. “Well, you’re just not attracted to me cause I’m bisexual.”

But, after all that was said, he went out of his way to point out that every man that she thought was cute was gay, and then he told people that they were dating and gonna get married. She called him on it and he apologized, but he still acts possessive over her.

When she found out that she was pregnant and she told him, he automatically went overboard, and treated the situation like I wasn’t in the picture. By that, I mean he went out and got a baby bag, picked out furniture, and he almost told my parents when we haven’t said anything to anybody about it. Well, she got upset and told him that it wasn’t his place to do so, and his own mother told him that it wasn’t his place either.

Well, he just refused to understand that point and kept up with the over the top dramatics. And she told him not to call, text, email, send her a smoke signal, a telegram, or carrier pigeon, which he didn’t respect cause he did almost all of the above.

Well, everything came to a head when she found out that he had started some drama with his foster sister and then threw her in the middle of it He went as far as saying that she didn’t like being around her and her fiancé unless he’s there, and she wanted to fight her in high school, but these two women didn’t meet until 2 years ago! She has realized that she has to let friendships that are toxic go in order to move forward with her life. But, I get the feeling that he would rather have me out of the picture so that he can pretend that he is the father of my son, and be the center of attention once again. I love this woman and I intend on making her my wife. But, I want to know what is the correct way to handle this situation. Cause I just want her to finish out her pregnancy in peace.Thank-you very much. – Protective Husband To Be

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/490527/dear-bossip-my-womans-male-best-friend-is-getting-in-the-way-of-our-relationship/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-31T11:14:00.003-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’ve been in as rocky relationship for three years. My boyfriend infected me with HIV. He unknowingly had it for years. My treatment is going well and high in numbers. His is low and stable. We don’t talk about it with each other.

I emotionally cheated on him just to feel beautiful. Flirting with others makes me feel normal in some weird way. I feel like a walking disease 95% of the time. Mentally, I’m not coping so well. I have a 4 year old daughter whom is not his and he’s helped me with her throughout these past years. He doesn’t work, gets food stamps, and he cooks, but I work 60 hours a week to support the three of us. But, bills are still hectic.

On two occasions he has taken money from me without me knowing it. This last time he took money that went for my HIV meds. That was the last straw. I told him to leave. That same night he left and came back asking for a hug. Then he told me that this grandmother had died. He was crying and emotional. I only met his father and I’ve never met anyone else in his family in three years. He’s met everyone in mine. His family doesn’t know his status, mine knows everything. I guess the real question is I know he lost a loved one and he has my sympathies, but I’m cold to him. The taking of the money for my meds killed any emotion I have for him. He’s asking for hugs and support and a shoulder to cry on. But I feel nothing. How should I feel? Am I truly heartless? – Heartless

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-boyfriend-infected-me-with-hiv-he-stole-my-money-for-my-meds/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-28T12:19:00.001-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Ok, I’m a Gemini so excuse the indecisiveness. My dilemma: stay or go.

Here are the facts:

I’ve been “seeing” dude for almost a year. Early on learned he wasn’t relationship material because he’s in love with himself. Literally. Decided to deal with him sexually no strings attached because I was surprisingly attracted to him and he conveniently lives around the corner. Perfect. The sex is amazing!

Here is the problem…

First, it’s hard for me to NOT develop feelings for a man I’m sleeping with. Just don’t have it in me. Secondly, lately my desire to be in a relationship is becoming more pressing but it’s impossible to be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally retarded. I still date other men but no potential candidates and I continue to sleep with this man out of convenience. Never been my nature to settle but there’s a first time for everything. What do I do when I want more out of the situation but I don’t want to give up the “D.” Yes, I’ve talked to him about it several times: DEAD END. Stay or let it go? Ughhhh but I so want the sex though. – Ms. Addicted To The D

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-started-off-as-bed-buddies-but-now-i-want-more/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip....

2011-10-28T12:14:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I need some major advice on a certain situation please!! My boyfriend told me that his greatest fantasy is to watch me have sex with another female whom I find attractive.

When he said that I was like HELL NO!! I don’t wanna do those types of things, but at the same time I’m like I just want to make him happy and feel satisfied, like he could get anything from me because I love him sooo much!

I don’t want him to go looking elsewhere for what he wants. I want him to get it from me, but I REALLY don’t want to do it. He said, “It’s ok. I’m just telling you my greatest fantasy.” But, in a way I feel like I should do something about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO!!! – Ms. Not So Sure

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/487247/dear-bossip-his-fantasy-is-for-me-to-be-with-another-woman-but-im-not-sure/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-27T11:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I just read an article of yours online and felt the need to inquire more advice from you.

So, here’s the deal: I met this guy 2 weeks ago at a football party. He has text me non-stop, even text good morning and good night every day. Not to mention he text as soon as we get off work. I’m pretty sure he’s a player, but because I see the best in people I am not so good at being a judge of character.

Ok, so he asked to come over one night but then when I told him he couldn’t spend the night he changed his mind. Then he proceeded to say maybe we can do dinner and a movie one night this week. I said ok. That night came. I asked him what we were going to do and he said a lot of cuddling and kissing. I reminded him that he mentioned dinner and movie. Then he said he would cook for me. After I let him know that he had to bring whatever he was cooking he decided he wasn’t about all that.

So, he came over and we just hung out in my living room talking and watching TV. Then he invites me to his softball game, so I go. Then the following Friday night I finally let him sleep over. We had sex, which wasn’t that great actually. Then he came over the next night to a party I was hosting. He spent the night again but we didn’t have sex. The next day (Sunday) he decided that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He went from wanting to date and possibly a relationship to not knowing. However, he says he doesn’t want to end things completely. I mean seriously???? Thank you for you time – What do I do now??? - Holding Pattern

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/after-sex-he-went-from-wanting-to-date-to-not-knowing/

Today Is, "Straigth From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-25T12:25:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I need help, advice and I need it fast. Time is winding down. Would you say this is about money or respect or NOTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR? Is it too late for us to repair the hurt feelings?

About 2 weeks ago my boyfriend asked me to add him to all my credit cards. I didn’t because we aren’t married and have no plans to be. This is our choice – we are both divorcees. We have lived together for 4 years based on his income $400,000. I make about $40,000 if sales are good. I love this man with all my heart and I feel he is just trying to steam roll me.

When we moved to a master planned community I assumed all credit liability for this home because his score was bad. He gave me the budget and we lived according to his lifestyle. He understood and agreed he would pay our cost of living. I believed him because we are in Love and building a life together so I trusted him. When I declined to add him to my credit cards this angered him. He said I am being selfish and it’s about principles and because he pays our household bills I should be grateful and show my loyalty by doing this.

He gave me “1 day notice” to pay ALL remaining October bills of $2,500. He said he would only pay the rent on our home and by the end of the year we need to move. I am devastated, blind-sided and heartbroken. He says he does not want to break up he just wants us to live according to “what I can afford” and we will now split all bills.

In September after 401K, insurance and taxes my net pay was $2,400. I’m almost certain he cleared about $36,000. I feel like he is bullying me and backing me into a corner. He told me if I had just put him on my credit we wouldn’t be going through this. Please tell me should I move into an apartment with the man I love or move on? Should we share credit if we are not married just because we share a home? Is it possible to go 50/50 on bills when he earns $400k and I make $40K? – Credit Dilemma

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/credit-cards-relationships/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-25T11:40:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m so confused about a man that I’m pretty sure I love. I was introduced via phone to a man about a year and a half ago.

I live on the west coast and he lives on the east coast. He had just gotten out of a relationship with his babies (yes two) mother, so we were friends at first. We would talk on the phone laughing and joking for hours. We both were surprised at how much we had in common and how great we got along.

We agreed to meet and I flew to spend the weekend with him. It was awesome! After that he came to visit me at my home twice. He always asked me what we were and I’d tell him we were good friends because I feared a long distance relationship. So, a couple months went by and I guess he got tired of me not wanting to be in a relationship. He decided to try and work things out with the mother of his children. Me not having kids, didn’t understand how he could want to hook back up with her after what we had. She even contacted me asking if we still talked to one another because he told her how great we were together. She said I was a problem in their relationship. I could care less, but it made me feel good that even after we stopped communicating he still talked about me, and of all people to her.

I admit I did want to be with him but I’m not the one to put my feelings out there. To shorten this long story we both moved on and both relationships didn’t work out. Now we linked back up and still have the same chemistry as before. He admitted that before when we were together that he loved me and I know I loved him. He even made another trip to come and see me. Should I commit to a long distance relationship with him? Or should I count our first encounter as a lesson learned? – Wanting The Impossible

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/484837/dear-bossip-im-not-sure-if-i-should-pursue-a-long-distance-relationship-with-a-man-who-has-a-baby-momma/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-21T11:20:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I have an issue with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. I discovered he’s been in correspondence with someone he used to be in a relationship with.

Not just hey how you doing, but when was the last time you thought of me naked type of conversation. I have a 3 year old daughter with him. She adores him. I don’t want to confront him because I read his Facebook message. Not intentionally, but when I logged on our home computer, it was visible for me to see. Curiosity killed the cat. I’m nervous about confronting him because the argument will be about me “snooping,” although not my intention, instead of the disrespectful conversations he’s having with an old flame? How do I confront him? Should I leave him? I don’t want to waste another 5 years. Please Help! – Don’t Want To Be Stupid In Love

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/483006/dear-bossip-my-man-of-5-years-is-having-explicit-conversations-with-his-ex-on-facebook/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-20T10:23:00.003-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I was in a relationship for 2 years with my ex-girlfriend. We were attached to each other all the time. She wanted to get married really fast.

I wanted to marry her but I wanted to make sure I had a career going and money in the bank before marriage. I thought that was respectful and smart. One thing in this relationship that I hated was that I felt like I always had to prove my love to her. Nothing was ever good enough for her.

She told me she contracted Herpes from a previous relationship but she didn’t inform me until 10 months into the relationship. I didn’t judge her I was there for her and supported her. I loved her so I just dealt with that situation. I was extremely hurt but I still loved her. I feel like if that doesn’t prove to you how much I love you then I don’t what to do. FYI, I have not been exposed to any STD’s or STI’s.

She would always put her friends in our business and those girls were jumping from bed to bed trying to give her advice about me. I would buy her very expensive things and sometimes she wouldn’t even appreciate that. Towards the end of our relationship I felt a sudden change in our relationship. She was kind of cold and distant. I never cheated on her or even put myself in situations to cheat. I never thought twice about her cheating on me, but she was always going out with her girlfriends. So, she would kind of hint like she wanted a break but would never say anything. So, one day I just had enough of her attitude and her never taking my feelings in consideration and everything was all about her. I told her we should take a break to make sure this is what we want. I told her straight up that I wanted to make it work. I just wanted her to find that inner peace within herself.

So, we would still communicate, but at one point she wanted space so I gave her space. Then we would still hang out. I told her I missed her and I was sorry, but another thing is she could never apologize to me to my face. It was always through a text message. There was a situation where we got into it because she felt like my gesture wasn’t genuine. So, after that argument a couple of days later she was taking pictures on a guys lap top. I was furious and felt betrayed because I couldn’t even go on a date or even talk to another woman. I didn’t speak to her about it for a week. We talked about it, but to me it didn’t really clear the air. She said that they just hang out. I didn’t believe her. So, she would mislead me by still calling me and checking on me. I was trying to give our relationship a chance and a fresh start. I really wanted to marry this girl. So, I still kept getting calls and I sent an email expressing how I felt and I said if you still want to be with me and love me you would respond. She responded so I was ready to take her back and forgive her. I find more pics on Facebook, but she’s still playing games.

I went out of town on a business trip and she was in a financial bind so she came to me. In the back of my mind I was thinking what about your new friend, you can’t even go to him for some money. I transferred the money like a stupid ass. I didn’t receive a thank you on the phone. I received a thank you through text. To add insult to injury she was at the guy’s house when I transferred the money over. I didn’t want to speak to her again. She kept sending me text messages saying she wanted to talk for 5 days straight, but could never commit to a time and date.

Last week was the final straw for me. She couldn’t even face me because she was guilty. I felt like she was a big ass coward. She just could not tell me anything to my face. So 20 text messages later she just wanted me to know that her and the guy was starting to get serious. So, I was just so hurt and I told her that it wasn’t healthy to jump into a relationship, and I wasn’t healed so I know she wasn’t. Right now, I feel like f**k her, but there’s a small side of me that misses her. I don’t know what to do. I need some good advice. So this weekend was her birthday and I was just so upset that she didn’t respond to my call or text to wish her a happy birthday. She tells her friends and family that she misses me, but her actions speak a different language. Thank You in advance. – A Broken-Hearted Brother

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/482192/dear-bossip-i-loved-her-wanted-to-marry-her-but-she-wanted-a-break-is-now-with-another-dude/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-19T11:26:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

Early this year I met a nice young man at a college party. We were introduced by mutual friends who thought we would be perfect together because we both share a love for business.

He’s a 22-year old Arab who owns his own restaurant, while I’m a 21-year old business student that has a small clothing store online. We hit it off well. I used to come to his restaurant all the time and we would sit and talk. We both admired each other’s tenacity and after about 3 months of getting to know one another we decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend. Here’s where the problems started. He has never fully introduced me to his parents. I see them all the time when I’m in the restaurant and they definitely know my face, but he has never said, “Mom, Dad this is my girlfriend.” In fact he never introduces me to anyone as his girlfriend unless they give me a compliment or ask him. First side eye. He claims his parents are just super old school and protective and don’t want to know about his relationships until they’re serious to the point of marriage. I guess. Then it became a problem of his friends hitting on me. I hang with them occasionally with him and we have mutual friends, but they are always giving me inappropriate comments like, “damn you look sexy today,” or hitting me up on Facebook to see when I wanna hang out. I brought this up to my boyfriend and he got angry at the fact I don’t respond and said its “rude.” Hmmm.

But, he does take me out and we spend a hell of a lot of time together which makes me doubt my suspicions. He takes me on the most wonderful dinners, takes me shopping, buys me diamonds on occasion and we just sit and talk for hours at times. I can truly say he’s one of my best friends and we mesh well, beyond color lines. When I brought up the issue of does he have a problem with me being black, he said it’s more of an issue of me not being Muslim, which confuses me.

I can’t help it if I was born Christian and he knew that from the time we met, so how is it a problem now? I feel if it were really an issue he should have never pursued me seriously. It upsets me when I feel like I’m not good enough to get to know his parents even though his brothers call me sis because I’m an educated, nice black woman, there’s nothing stereotypical about me and I’ve worked hard to get to that point. And I’ve told him I’m willing to convert if we get married in the future but not for a relationship. We talk about marriage and kids all the time, but in the context of aligning our similar values for how we want our family to look like and be raised.

I really like him and I can see a future but I don’t want to waste my time if he’ll never take me seriously because of my race or religion. I should also bring up the fact that he is super jealous of me going to college because he’s insecure about the fact he never went and is always making comments about it despite being at a place in business where most college grads dream to be. Go figure. Should I let it go, or hold out and try and work through this because I really do like him.
- Confused Chick

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/481490/dear-bossip-im-dating-an-arab-man-i-really-like-him-but-he-wont-introduce-me-to-his-parents/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-18T15:03:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

First off, let me just say that I absolutely LOVE reading your no nonsense advice! You give advice that is straight, with no chaser, which is why I’m writing you today.

My husband and I have hit a rather awkward stumbling block in our marriage of 5 years. He wants a baby NOW, and I don’t! Mind you, we already have a 3 year old together, and I’m still in school. Yes, I said it, I’m STILL IN SCHOOL furthering my education. Our 3 year old was what I like to refer to as our “miracle Depo baby.” At the time, we both weren’t ready for kids, but God saw fit to us having one, and she’s here! He was soooooooo overjoyed when she was introduced to the world, and for the past year, he’s been hounding me for another baby!

I’m only 24 years old, and would love to have my Master’s in Nursing (which is what I am working on now), while he’s 28 and in the military. My issue about the whole baby dilemma is the fact that yes, I have a job, but I don’t feel like I’m at what I call my “career plateau.” He has a career that’s going great for him. We’ve tried sitting down and talking about it to friends, family, and even counselors, which never goes over too well. He says that I’m being selfish, but this is my thing: he knew that I didn’t want to have kids until I reached my goal of having my MSN and started in my dream career. I’ve already had to take a detour on it once, and I’ll officially graduate next year. However, he doesn’t want to wait until next year. If I’m not pregnant by the end of the year, we could end up in divorce court. What on Earth should I do? – Not Ready For Another Baby

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/477930/dear-bossip-my-husband-wants-another-child-but-im-not-ready-becasue-i-want-a-career-first/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-18T14:56:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’m a male who is going through a separation right now. I’m 32 and she is 27. We have been married 5 years. I knew her for 9 years. We have no kids. We were having issues within our marriage with communication. There was no abuse or cheating. She started to tell me that she felt something was missing, and she didn’t know what it was. We got along great. Toward the end she felt that we were more like friends and roommates.

I really want to work on this relationship. She said that she needed some space. She moved back in with her mom, which her mom doesn’t even like me for reasons I don’t know. I never believed in therapy, but she insisted on going. We went 3 times and she stopped. She said it was because of time and money. I told her that I would pay for the sessions. I still go to better myself. I also know that she is seeing someone that she only knew for a week. She doesn’t know that I know. I need some advice on how to deal with this and any advice on how to get her back. She finally admitted to seeing this other guy and he is already professing his love. He even bought her tickets to go to Puerto Rico for her birthday. Oh yeah, they met on FaceBook. He is 34. They met on 9/15. Help me. I need some advice to get her back. – Need My Wife Back

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-wife-left-me-and-shes-seeing-another-man-but-i-want-her-back/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-17T11:20:00.000-04:00

Hey Bossip,

First off, I would like to say I love the site. I check it multiple times a day. My day is not complete without my Bossip fix. LOL.

But, I like the honesty you give to people asking advice. I need some advice on a situation I’m kind of embarrassed about.

So, there is this guy who’s a senior at my college. I met him last year when I was a freshman and I am now a Sophomore. Here’s where it gets weird. We met on Facebook. Although we do have mutual real life friends, we just never met in person. We text a lot and we are pretty cool. It’s easy to talk to him, and all that. It just seems like he is playing games with me. I like him a lot now, and we have been planning to meet up. It’s hard though because our schedules our way different this year. I work, take 12 credit hours, and I am in 3 on-campus programs. He lives off-campus, works, and is finishing up to graduate in December.

He tells me that he wants to see me, but then when I plan to come over, which I have to plan because I take the bus and he’s not getting his car back till the end of this month, it’s always a big run around that usually ends with us not seeing each other. It’s annoying to me because I just want to be able to see him so we can get past this phase. I mean when you never seen somebody you can’t be all the way open, or talk about certain things because you don’t know if you’ll like what you see. He always says I wanna get close to you. He always checks on me, offers to help me study, wishes me luck on my exams, and he’ll even joke around about me being his girlfriend (although not funny).

Once when we were talking about something and I told him to call one of his other girls, and he said I don’t have others I want you. He jokes around about sex a lot too, and I have often told him firmly that I don’t sleep around and that I prefer to be in a committed relationship or married before I take that step, which he says he understands. I feel that has stopped me from going over his place a few times because I don’t want him to have the wrong idea and be disappointed. I’m just confused because on one hand it seems like he likes me, and then it seems like maybe I’m just an option for him. Should I let it go or see where this is going? – Should I Stay Or Go

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/476576/dear-bossip-theres-a-guy-on-my-college-campus-im-interested-in-but-we-havent-met-yet/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-11T13:14:00.001-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 6 months. I met him in NYC while I was visiting from Atlanta.

He told me he was going to play football for a school in Georgia so that was perfect, so I thought. Months went by and he finally settled in his new home and we really never kept in touch a lot at first. I saw no point if he wasn’t in Georgia. I really didn’t care at first. Once he moved to Georgia I decided to visit him and I thought it would be a very awkward and weird situation since we really never had more of a convo other than text messages.

We had a good date and he was really excited to see me and so was I. The physical attraction was more than words can explain. Later on that night things got steamy and we almost had sex. I say almost because at the time I was a virgin. Fast forward 2 months later and I visit him twice more and end up having sex. We don’t talk on the phone at all, if anything we only text each other, and that is rare. I’m obviously catching feelings for this man, but I feel like there’s nothing there but a physical attraction. Yes, he makes me laugh and I love hanging around with him, but I feel like if I speak up about my feelings it will only leave things awkward and perhaps no friendship at all. The sex is amazing and I really don’t see myself dating anyone else but him. Am I putting this man on a pedestal for no reason? Help! – Hopeful and Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/473238/dear-bossip-i-gave-my-virginity-to-a-man-i-only-communicate-with-via-text-i-really-like-him/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-11T11:26:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have been dating since I was 16 years old and have never been single. I’m 28 now. As one relationship ends I find myself in a new one, sometimes within days. I have never been married and have no kids. I have had two 5 years relationship back to back. I am currently dating a guy for the last 2 years now, on and off. Now we are currently off, he wants us to try again but I’m not happy with him. I’m only with him because I don’t want to be alone. I have a fear of being alone. Am I codependent? And if so, how do I break this cycle? – Dependant On Relationships

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-have-a-fear-of-being-alone-dont-know-how-to-break-the-cycle-of-codependency/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-10T10:20:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I am a 30-year old woman who is single and decided to try online dating since I’ve been a party girl and single for the last year and a half.

I wanted to try a new approach to meeting guys and now I feel like it was a big mistake. Here is what happened. I met this 37-year old guy online and he must have talked the best game I guess I had ever been exposed to. I was kind of reluctant in the beginning and would just ignore his texts, calls, and instant messages on this site. (Takes deep breath). I finally decided to give in and start responding because he just seemed like he was so into me, and I began to fall for it being that I’m open to being in a relationship. He was older, had a job, car and his own place. Hell, I felt I had hit the jack pot. HA!

Fast forward and we are texting and everything, and then we started sexting. Sending matured and rated R-pictures back and forth and talking a lot of sex talk. At first I felt uncomfortable, but I also felt like we hit it off, so I was like why not. This is where I made a mistake. He invited me to his place and I was cool with that. Of course I wanted to look good, so I had on a lil dress and heels, smelling good because I wanted to make a good impression. What I thought would be just dinner and a few glasses of wine turned into a FULL BLOWN NIGHT OF PASSION. Immediately, the attraction was there and one thing led to another and I didn’t come home that night. I guess what got me is that this man made love to me like we were in love and had been together for years and that is so not the case. SIGH

I went home the next morning and he asked me to come back later that night. Even though I was on cloud 9000, I was reluctant thinking in my head, what if this becomes just about sex, and that’s what I didn’t want, or at least that’s not the impression I was under from the conversations we had. However, after that night he started acting differently – not responding to my texts as fast or my calls. So, I became angry, but trying not to let it show. So, two days went by and I decided to send him an angry text letting him know how I felt. He stated that I was overreacting and that he is doing what he normally does, which I guess now doesn’t include me. So, we go back and forth and he states that I am acting like this since we made love, (his words). Which I agree. Dude made me a lil crazy. My ex of 4 years didn’t even suck my toes!!!! It has now been 2 weeks since our encounter and I feel bamboozled and can’t let it go. I like this man and want this man, and he has done a 360 on me and I can’t accept it. Please help and take it easy on me. Sincerely – I Am Not A One Night Stand

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/472211/we-met-online-had-an-amazing-encounter-but-its-been-weeks-i-cant-let-go-want-him/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-07T14:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I feel terrible and depressed over my marriage.

I have been married for one year. My husband is addicted to porn and hardly has sex with me. His reasons are because he works a lot hours. I believe this because he suffers from Erectile Dysfunction. I have caught him watching porn and pleasuring himself late hours of the night. His response is that he enjoys masturbating. I suggested to him that I would like to watch porn with him, but he refused. He also refused to go for marriage counseling. He also refuses to see a doctor for his Erectile Dysfunction. He also talks to other women from Facebook. I am not sure if he’s cheated. I feel terrible and depressed. I cannot trust him. I am really considering getting a divorce. Please advise me if I should stay in this marriage. – Not Desired By My Husband

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/471237/dear-bossip-my-husband-is-addicted-to-porn-and-wont-have-sex-with-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-07T12:21:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am in a relationship with a man 12 years older than me. In the beginning of our relationship it was perfect! He was such a gentleman and knew how to treat me. Fast forward a year later and I began to see his true colors. I found out that he was in a relationship with another woman for 2 years! I was completely shocked and heartbroken. I was the side chick and didn’t even know it. When it was time for him to make a decision he dropped me like a bad habit and made it clear that he loved her more. To make a long story short they broke up (about 6 months later) and I decided to give him another chance. We are going on our third year together and things are good. We go to church and now live together as well. Besides him being insecure and jealous we have a pretty normal relationship. The problem here is that I just can’t let go of the past. There are a few details I left out (because you hate long letters). Should I try and work through it or do what I should have done 3 years ago? – I Can’t Get Over His Past

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-cheated-dumped-me-said-he-loved-her-more-than-me-but-i-took-him-back/

My Interview With Allhiphop.com....

2011-10-06T16:05:00.000-04:00

Right before the release of his bestselling book, Hiding in Hip-Hop: On the Downlow in the Entertainment Industry from Music to Hollywood (2008), Terrance Dean sent shivers through the industry with the fear that he was about to “out” some of Black entertainment’s most popular artists. But, cleverly, the book was full of blind items and did not name any names, prompting bloggers and readers to play guessing games.

This June, Dean returns with his first novel, Mogul. Centered on the life and career of a rap mogul, Big A.T., who runs a successful label with some of biggest stars in the Hip-Hop industry, including his lover, superstar rapper, Tickman. The book is interesting and relatively realistic in it’s portrayal of the industry, Big A.T., is a character that the reader can love, hate, and love again. But, how is Mogul another blind item? Is the Hip-Hop industry ready for love scenes between men? Is Hip-Hop music and culture ready for an openly gay artist? AllHipHop.com talked to Terrance Dean about Hip-Hop and homosexuality.

AllHipHop.com: What have you been doing since Hiding in Hip-Hop.

Terrance Dean: I’ve written two other books, including Straight from your Gay Best Friend: The Straight-Up Truth about Relationships, Work, and Having a Fabulous Life, worked on some television and book projects. And I just finished Mogul which I am getting ready to tour with.

AllHipHop.com: What was the motivation behind Mogul?

Read the rest of the interview, HERE:
http://allhiphop.com/2011/10/06/hiding-in-hip-hop-author-terrance-dean%E2%80%99s-mogul/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip....

2011-10-06T11:01:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I am seeking impartial advice because I have been wrecking my mind for the past few months contemplating what to do about my situation.

I started dating this guy back in 2008 after we met at a wedding and were introduced by my cousin who happened to be his good friend. (It was a long distance relationship by the way). At the time we were both 18. I fell in love so soon and while he reciprocated most of my feelings for him, he was still coming to terms of getting into a serious relationship at his age. I was advised by another cousin not to date him because she knew him quite well and she even told me he was a big flirt. He pursued me and came across as a really charming guy who could do no wrong. I agreed to be his girlfriend and we set it off.

After a few months of dating, he cheated on me with a girl I knew and although he claims he never slept with her, he says they just used their hands to pleasure each other. I went ‘”mad black woman”’ on him and dumped him, but he begged me and promised he would never do it again and cut off all ties with that other girl immediately. I really loved this guy with all of my heart and I guess that was my main problem in the relationship, I was more in love than he was at the time. I became really vulnerable and my trust for him was shaken and he became emotionally & verbally abusive.

Over the months we argued and bickered non-stop, and constantly hanging up the phone on each other. I then broke it off. He called me after a week and kept begging me to take him back and that he would change, etc. However, I had begun to move on before things got too worse. He traveled to where I lived to see me so we could talk properly and because he had shown some effort I agreed to meet him. The meeting didn’t go as he had planned and he lashed out and left. After a few weeks we agreed to meet up again and we reconnected and I forgave him. I moved further away after that so I decided to break it off for good but he kept coming back incessantly. He would blow up my phone constantly and I agreed to his request just to stop him being so passive aggressive, although deep down I obviously still loved him a lot.

A month later, I went to my friend’s house and she knew how abusive he had been to me and resented him for it. Every time he would call my phone, she would answer it for me and say I was busy or sleeping. I regret letting that happen but at the time I felt he deserved it for the way he had treated me.
He called me up one day while I was still at my friend’s and said he had moved on and found a new girl and I just acted like didn’t care to save face. He went for a really young girl (statutory rape young) and I let him go. Although he was with her he still kept thinking of me and he kept calling and texting etc. I ended up moving on too, a few months after he had, with a really nice guy too. He came back again and promised he would never cheat on or lie to me and after a month of resisting I took him back for the simple fact that I loved him. Things were cool between us and I began to regain my trust for him as well as my love. We were good up until he suggested we take a break because we were headed towards the argue/bicker phase again however during that “break” he slept with 3 girls including that young girl. He confessed so I went back to my ex too. All the while he let that young girl disrespect me and all claiming he is hers, and I told her simply the facts. Then I also told her to go ahead and have his trifling ass but he kept coming back to me.

I hate the fact that each time me and him argue he goes and starts flirting on his phone with other girls but because we live far apart how do I know he’s not actually physically being with other girls even though he claims it ends on the phone? He also never had a job. Every time I went to visit him I paid for dates, food, and cleaned his place up for him, he was lazy and spent all his free time playing games and getting sidetracked by friends. He never listened to my advice but when it came from other people it made sense.

He let other people disrespect me (i.e. his ex and friends) never stood up for me, and sometimes acted as though he didn’t want to show me affection or be seen with me in public. He changed completely and all those words he said about wanting me and making it work faded into thin air.

Like I said before my story is long but just a month ago, he got back in touch, claims he has changed and that he was just a teenage boy and immature and now he is grown and he understands, misses and cherishes what we had (2 years) and he knows I’m the girl for him and he really wants to make it work and even marry me and move in together and start our life together. But, I refused over and over because I feel like we will go on another rollercoaster again. How do I get over him and have I made the right decision? Your advice will be much appreciated. – Leave Him Or Keep Him

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/470363/dear-bossip-he-keeps-coming-in-and-out-of-my-life-and-im-tired-of-it/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-05T14:44:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Let me first start by saying I really enjoy reading your column, and your keep it really real demeanor.

My story starts out like this. Last spring I moved in with my boyfriend and one of our “good” friends at the time. Everything was fine and dandy until one morning, after about three weeks of living there, he woke us up and asked us to go to the court house because they had a bench warrant out for him over an unpaid speeding ticket. Long story short he didn’t have all the money.

Now, I have loaned him money in the past and he has always paid me back. No problem. But, this time I would’ve known better because his ticket totaled over $800 and he only had $125 of it. So, (like a dummy) I loaned him the rest. And, he agreed that he would pay me back in front of my boyfriend. Well, flash forward about two months and I still ain’t got one red nickel from him.

The catalyst that changed everything was a generic status on Facebook that was about the town that we live in. But, he took it as it being about him because he started to ignore me and lying, and saying that I was cheating on my boyfriend, I’m just an all around nasty person, and he was gonna put me out once he realized that he really had to pay me back.

Well, everything came to a head in August after I found out I was pregnant and was stressed from my job, and the fact that his lying caused my family to look at me different and some of our mutual friends were cursing me out. Like the stress had gotten so bad from it that my hair started falling out and I was already hormonal at the time (which didn’t help.). So, I ended up moving back with my parents and shortly thereafter losing my baby because of the stress.

Now, he still owes me about $300 and he keeps saying that he’s gonna pay me back in front of other people. But, everybody was like I should just forgive him and work it out. But, I keep telling folks I just want my money. I have lost enough life behind all of this madness. Like nobody besides my boyfriend will listen to me about how I feel about the situation, or how it has affected me mentally. They all take his side in this. When I considered him a brother if he needed the shirt off of my back I would’ve given it to him no questions asked. But, my family still looks at me sideways and act like I’m retarded for being hurt, and keep telling me to apologize to him for everything. Like it makes me feel as if they think I deserved it for all of this to happen to me. Am I crazy, or do I have a valid reason to feel the way that I do? – Betrayed

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-loaned-money-to-a-friend-and-hes-taking-his-time-paying-me-back/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-10-04T09:48:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’ve recently gotten engaged to a woman I’ve known for about 5 years, and I love her and can most certainly see myself spending the rest of my life and raising kids with her. But, I have a past.

Before I met her, and during some of the time that we spent as “just friends,” I experimented with guys. In some cases, the experiments went as far as full-blown relationships with guys. But she doesn’t know this about me. When we were friends, I believe she may have heard some rumors, and once she even asked me if I was gay. I told her I wasn’t. I’m sure that part of me is strictly in the past, and I’m ready to move forward full force with her, but I don’t want her to ever find out about it.

She’s said things to me like, “I know more about you than you think.” And, she’s even expressed to me that she has some things in her past that she hopes I never find out about. So we don’t necessarily have the type of relationship where everything is out on the table, but I still feel like if she found out, that would mean the end for us.

I’m not the type to cheat, but I know that if I were to admit my bisexuality to her, she wouldn’t trust me. I’m not a “Down Low” brother who would seek out guys for sex while I’m with a woman. Especially if I’m married. I know it’s hard to believe, but some men are genuinely bisexual, and not just claiming that label to mask their total gayness. And not all bisexual guys are sexual deviants with an insatiable appetite for “guy booty.” Not that I need an excuse for the feeling that I have, but I’m a product of sexual abuse as a child, and I attribute that to my attraction towards other men. But, just like my attraction to other women won’t drive me to cheat, I’m sure my attraction to the same sex won’t either. I’m just worried that it may come up.

I must also admit that I’m a bit of a heart-breaker, and not many of my relationships with guys have ended well, so I’m afraid a scorned ex may try to out me to her (cuz gay dudes can be worse than females when it comes to their emotions and vengeance).

From reading your responses to other people, I feel like I already know what you’re going to say… but let me have it anyway. What should I do? – Brotha With A Past

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/468813/dear-bossip-im-engaged-and-i-love-her-but-she-doesnt-know-im-bisexual/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-10-03T14:45:00.001-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am a 46-year old divorced male and single parent of 3 children. I have a very good female friend who has been my friend for about 13 years. I have seen her through one failed long-term relationship with a good male friend of mine, and approximately 6 months ago she separated from her husband of 3 years (my wife at the time and I both attended the wedding). Since my divorce, she has been a big help in assisting me with the 3 kids…she is my contact person and the person I can count on to be there for the kids in the event I am unavailable (my ex-wife lives in another state but has the kids every other weekend).

My dilemma is that over the last couple of months I have developed romantic feelings for my female friend, but I don’t know if she views me as anything other than a good friend. We’ve never had any conversations or interactions together that have ever been anything other than platonic. However, years ago my ex-wife accused me of having a romantic interest in my female friend, which at the time were not true. Unfortunately, because of that, it put a strain on the friendship between my ex-wife and my female friend but my female friend and I continued to be friends with each other against my ex-wife’s wishes. My ex-wife felt that our continued friendship violated her trust in both of us because in the beginning all three of us were very good friends but the two of us became even better, closer friends. Thus, she began to feel that she was the third wheel and no longer included in some of my activities with my female friend which made her uncomfortable. My ex-wife still doesn’t really care for her because of that, but she wants me to be happy with the person of my choosing.

Conversely, my ex-wife and I are very good friends now, which we were not during the course of our marriage. In fact, she even gave me advice regarding what I should do (tell her but be prepared that it could possibly jeopardize the friendship irrevocably), and she gave me the information about your site and suggested that I post my question to you for your sound and unbiased opinion (she is an avid fan of yours, reads your column daily and bought your book).

My female friend comes over all the time and sometimes spends the night (but always sleeps on the couch even though I have always offered to give up my bed for her to sleep in – by herself of course!). We hang out on occasions and attend clubs together. We have a lot in common and get along great most of the time, however, she is very demanding and has a very quick, very hot temper. I have been a witness to her cussing out her former boyfriend and ex-husband. She also goes out of town a lot and when she does, I am the person who pet-sits her dog, which I don’t mind…plus, the kids love the dog.

Recently she asked me what I thought the kids should call her…Miss or Aunt? She says she considers me family and I have never felt any sexual vibes from her to me, but then again, she is very good at masking her feeling. Is it possible she could be attracted to me as well but doesn’t want to jeopardize our friendship? I am curious about why she spends so much time at my place, and of course I hope it’s because she likes me romantically but is perhaps too shy to be the first to say so.

So, please give it to me straight no chaser. Should I tell her or not? And if I do tell her, what do you suggest would be the best way of going about it? And if you advise not telling her, what should I do about my romantic feelings that have developed for her? – Mr. Fair Weather Friend To The Very End

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/ive-developed-feelings-for-a-family-friend-but-my-ex-wife-is-against-us-dating/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-29T13:31:00.002-04:00

Dear Bossip,

WELP! Since I have no clue how I’m going to ask my question without rambling on, I’ll just get straight to the point. Ok, so I’m a 22-year old college student, (but that really doesn’t matter). Anyways, although I’ve been attracted to guys my whole life. I just recently started dating men about two years ago and from the very beginning it’s been nothing but a pain!!!!!

I’ve been seeing this one guy in particular for about a year now and I really care about him but I don’t know if the feeling is mutual. For example, this past Valentine’s Day I went ALL OUT for him, but I didn’t even get a f***king card! Since we’ve been dating this dude HAS NOT paid for one single thing that we’ve done together. At one point I was sure that I wanted to be with him but it’s always a bunch of BS reasons why he’s, “not ready” (he’s not stable, he’s not happy in his life or some crap like that). But then he turns around and tells me I would make the perfect boyfriend. And a part of me wants to say, “Man, get the f**k out of here with that bull-ish,” but another part of me wants to believe him and just be patient because I care. Am I playing myself? I have NO CLUE what to do. Please Help Me -Dazed And Confused

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/466505/dear-bossip-ive-recently-started-dating-men-but-its-been-nothing-but-a-pain/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-27T12:27:00.001-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been seeing a guy for two years now and he still hasn’t made us offical. He tells me I’m everything he wants but he still says he isn’t ready for a relationship. I know he talks to other females, but then gets mad at me for talking to other men.

I do love him and I want a future with him, but I am not too sure if my time with him is time well spent. We have a great time together, but the other woman, and especially his baby mama is putting me at my breaking point. I don’t know whether to stay or go. About a year ago he confessed to sleeping with his baby mama and then revealed a few months later that she was pregnant with their second child. He says he doesn’t love her, but their relationship isn’t sitting too well with me. All in all, I just need to know if this man really doesn’t want a relationship at all or just with me. Is it time to walk away or stay and see where this all goes? I’m confused and blinded by love. NEED GUIDANCE! Thanks for hearing me out. – Stay Or Go

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/464349/dear-bossip-i-know-he-talks-to-other-females-but-i-want-a-relationship-he-says-he-isnt-ready/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-26T12:37:00.002-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I really need your advice.

I’ve been with my boyfriend on and off for the last year and a half. We worked together and all was fine. However, we transferred and work at different locations. I really love him and he says he loves me too but I’m just not sure….

First of all: I have never gone to his house which he shares with his parents. And, every time I ask he just dismisses it or finds a way not to answer the question. I genuinely believe he does as he calls me most of the time and I hear them.

I have met his daughter on several occasions and she really likes me and I adore her too (he has her every weekend), but he hasn’t introduced me as his girlfriend to her. I’m just daddy’s friend.

We do everyday things like cinemas, dinner and weekends away but is this ever going to go further? I’ve spoken to him about it so many times but nothing changes and I’m starting to question if there’s a future. I am a strong believer in if you preserve then you can get what you want, but now I don’t know. Please advice me on my situation. – Hanging In There

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/463647/dear-bossip-ive-been-with-my-boyfriend-for-1-12-years-never-been-to-his-house-or-met-his-parents/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-09-26T10:51:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend

I’m a thirty-five year old successful black man and I’ve never done this before. My sister reads your posts all the time on HelloBeautiful and she told me you would be the best person to come to for help. See I’ve been divorced for about two years. I cheated on my wife with her best friend and thought I was in love with the friend. I was so sure that I asked my wife for a divorce although she wanted to work it out.

Three months later I married her friend thinking this was where I was supposed to be but I was wrong. She got pregnant and it turned out that it wasn’t even my baby. Yes it was some, “You are not the father type bulls**t.” I’ve never been done so dirty in my life. By the way my stepfather turned out to be the father.

Anyway I ran into my ex wife about six months ago and we started hanging out again. We have this amazing friendship that somehow I missed out on when we were married. Rcently I’ve come to realize I still love her and I want her back. I know I messed up, but a brothas willing to beg like a fat man at KFC with no wallet.

To make matters worse she told me that at the time all our divorce drama was going on she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I feel like s**t now. I know she feels something for me but I can tell she’s still hurting. She’s in remission now but she’s so fragile and I don’t wanna force my feelings on her.

I know we belong together I just need her to trust me again. What do I do man? What do I do? I’VE BEEN A DAMN FOOL

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-cheated-on-my-wife-with-her-best-friend-married-her-but-i-want-my-first-wife-back/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-21T14:50:00.001-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m a seventeen year old virgin. I’ve started dating this twenty-nine year old rapper who has three kids.
He only started talking to me because I’m light-skin with a big chest. After awhile he learned that I actually had brains. I grew up taking care of myself and will be the first of my immediate family to graduate. Anywho, he’s beginning to talk marriage. I usually ignore it. For example, one night he asked, “What if I said I loved you?” And, I replied, “What if I said you were lying?” Did I mention he was HOT! He’s Light-skin, good hair, mixed, and a nice body. He has the whole rapper/thug going on. I know he isn’t good for me. Maybe because of my younger sexual abuse that I’ve dealt I’m so quick to fall. But the guys my age are cocky questionable and couldn’t hold an educated convo to save their skinny jean wearing polo braggin drug sellin, “I was born in ‘94 but I remember Tupac” wanna be thug lives. I don’t want to end up like my sister in and out of domestic violence with a new born baby. HELP! – Young And In Love

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/461239/dear-bossip-im-17-hes-a-29-year-old-rapper-i-know-hes-not-good-for-me-but-im-confused/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-09-21T12:19:00.001-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

My husband cheated on me a couple of years ago and as a result he had a daughter with this woman who claims to be our friend, and she was our Boss at one point. I found out when she served him papers for child support. I was devastated after six years of marriage. I wanted to call it off, but he convinced me that he did not want anything to do with them, and didn’t want to have a life with her only with me, and have a family of our own one day

Since he knew I didn’t want him to have any contact with the woman, but in order to know about his daughter, which looks a lot like him, he stared calling behind my back. I found out after I saw a text from her. We argued and he told me that he wanted to know his daughter and it was killing him inside missing time with her.

Finally, I made a decision. I went to talk to this lady in person and told her what my husband wanted and that I was 100% supportive as long as we stay clear of what the purpose is – which is the girl to know and build a relationship with her dad. She said yes to me. We meet and spend time with them. Everything was looking way to good to be true. My husband and I agreed he would only speak to her in front of me, and only about the girl. Unfortunately, things were too good to be true. It turns out this woman requested time alone with my husband, and for him to tell her if he really doesn’t want anything with her. And, if I’m around they were to get a code word so she knows when they are on the phone. He told me he called her from a friend’s cell so I wouldn’t see the numbers if I checked our lines. He claims this is the only way to end whatever doubts this woman has. I’m so frustrated and disappointed at myself and don’t know what to say anymore.

I want him to have a nice relationship with his daughter. She is only three and a half now, and I want to be strong to deal with this woman, but not like this again. How can I convince him to see that giving her that time alone or not having calls around me will make her think he still doesn’t respect me or give me my place? How can I put it in words that he can understand last? Note: They don’t have custody together yet – He Needs To Understand

You can read my response, here:
http://hellobeautiful.com/style-beauty/terrancedean/my-husband-had-an-affair-child-with-our-former-boss-i-want-them-to-respect-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-19T12:02:00.003-04:00

Dear Bossip,

Look I met this guy when i was 15 years old, he was about 24. I looked older than my age and i acted more mature.we hit it off the same night, and we both felt a connection, that same night he told me that he wasn’t with anyone.i stayed with him throughout the next 2 days, and i went back home.. We talked on the phone and our vibes clicked. I soon relized that he had a girlfriend beacuse he hung right away, without no explaintion, when i called back the number woun’t go through. My gut feeling told me he had a girlfiend. We met one day and i decided to take my friend with me, when we soon got off the train and met him with his friend he dissrepected me by saying,” Damn i think were gonna have to switch. I payed it no mind. But soon after we lost touch. BEing that i had one of his customers number i called he told me that he was probelly in jail. I looked in up, and i found him. We kept in touch and i vistied him as soon as i turned 18, i stole my fathers car almost about every week, and had the phone turned on so that he could call me.

I talked to him one day about his ex’s, and i said why dont you talk about them you could tell me anything, i guess he had got so used to talking about his ex that eveytime we talked he was telling me intamate deatils about her. i felt like -ish, but i couldn’t tell him to stop, so being the hard headed person that i am i decided to do dumb stuff like get a boyfirend and talk about him to make him feel like i felt. Only matters got worse i some what got it stuck in my head that if i strip mybe the topic of our converstaion could be about me. things only gotten worse from there. He got out of jail to only be in a halfway house.i felt like -ish beacuse his mother would say why dont you get anthor girl, right in front of my face.

i swear when i was pregent i told him to tell her to bring me some of my favorite food she cooked, but to only expect the opposite. This women hated me so much that she offered me some soda, to only shake it up while she was in the fridge to only handed it to me. His older sister was the worse, she brought one of her hood rats friends in there and that same day they sat from across each other to only embraress me. HE was talking about how he wanted to marriend me, and how i was the one for him, to only look at her the whole entire time that he was talking. His older sister was making side jokes and laughing , and taking -ish with that girl, which were shots at me.when the visit was over i guess she gave him a hug,

He wanted to met at the side store and i was like yeah. I left home beacuse you could only image how i felt.At that time i was going to school to achive my dreams in the music bussissens , and soon after with my first abortion, i just felt depress and lost and i broke down and started not to got to school. When he got out i told him to prole to his mother house beacuse i wanted to know her and i wanted her to like me. BUt matters only got worse, his mother kicked me out of his house one time, and used me to get rides, mostly without giving me money for gas. This was where i first time he smaked me in my face, beacuse of any aurgument we had. His older sister and everyone else in the living room heard the aurgument.

When things died down she came in the kitchen smiling asking me if somthing was wrong. I wanted to leave i tryed to fight my way out the kitchen out the back door and left but he only took my keys. i walked around and he followed me, I slept at his mother house that same day only to be hiding under the covers int he morning. Soon after we were in a store with him and his mother looking for somthing to wear to a play, we were having a converstaion about church i told him that we should go to church and he still getting an addittuite and speaking loud saying i don’t go to church, i don’t do that since i was little. I felt embraress and i guess he took notice of that and asked me if i wanted him to payfor the dress. I said no beacuse i was angry. then about sometime after that we were in KHOLES long story short he told me he lost his phone so i told him to use the phone in the front to call his celluar, he told me to go look in the car. When i pull up i see that he speaking to a girl, then when he gets in the car i told him why you speaking to her for he told me that he used her phone to call his number to see where his phone was. We wernt to the barber shop, and he told me he left it there. i let it slide, and swepted it under the rug.
look i found a condom in his pocket on my birthday, and i just cried out and jump in my bed. he jumped right next to me and told me that a comdom truck was passing them out. i told him to leave and he was walking away, i dont know why i called him back. i got pregent and had a son, by that time it was misery i was working at cvs and ive had gotten sick , i asked him to take me to the hospital, and it turned out that i had a 102 degree fever. He was upset and told me that i owed him 100 dollers because i made him come here and stay with me, so thats why he wasn’t able to hustle. i was working all the way up till my due date. my back hurted i was miserable, and after i got off of work at 10 i had to come home and make him some food to eat. One night i relized that he wouldn’t let his phone off by his side, so i asked him to ket me brorrow it, he didnt so i told my mom at 6 oclock in the morning to ask him she we have a ouse phone beacuse when he was in jail, we ran up the bill. He gave my mom the phone and i went downstairs to go through his phone, i found pictures of a girl who wasn’t he as pretty as me, but was showing her “privates” in one of the photos, it hurt me beacuse here i am pregent, working, stressed out, my mother wount even speak to me beacuse i was with him, i was in pain..some how i got over it after 2 and a half months.

Now we were at walmart , and this ugly tall girl he always looks at evrytime we go there, he finally got the chance to ask her about my baby could read. i backed off, and he ended up across the floor and called me over to come with him to check out the product, he quickly turns around and follows the girl and i wasn’t going to follow him, what i look like a dog, it was about sometime i decided to look for him, i seen them walking togher and he was foloowing her, he looked at me and said we cant find it. then she was across the room giving him eye contact like its here, we walked over there. He got close to her but she baccked awy he did it agiain, and she backed away again . i was upset and angry.we fought that night and he hit me in my face and in front of my mother. we broke up.. i love him..i took him back..beacuse he had called me to pick him up.. he is about to go to jail on some drug case, but i think that he’s unsure if i want to stay with him, i do, but i want to see if he changes what are your thoughts and tell me what you think about it. – Confused About My Man

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/459635/dear-bossip-hes-on-his-way-to-jail-he-doesnt-think-ill-stay-but-i-want-to-see-if-hell-change/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-16T09:47:00.005-04:00

Dear Bossip,

Well, I’ve been with my husband for five years, but we’ve been married for two year. But, I’ve also been with my lover for two years who is a female. I care for one more than the other. The reason I married my husband is because I thought I was doing the right for our son, knowing how I felt for her. I’ve tried fixing things with my husband. We’ll do good for awhile, but then we’ll be back at square one not getting nothing right. Then, I find myself back with her because things gets done, like family things should be and done with a partner. I just hurt knowing that I grew up with my dad and he showed his girls how a man treats a woman, a real man. I thought that’s what I had and I’m tired of waiting on him to get there, especially knowing that I can get that on the other side. I’ve really tried telling him what’s wrong it but it goes in one ear and out the other. What is a girl to do if she can go to the other side to get what she wants? – Stuck In Turmoil

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/458322/dear-bossip-ive-been-cheating-on-my-husband-for-2-years-with-a-woman/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-09-13T14:24:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I was so scared to write to you because you are brutally honest.

Anyway, I am a 23-year old black female and have been married since I was 19 years old. My husband is 27 now. He was 23 when we got married. Yeah I know I was young, but I love my man. I really do. I’d do anything for him and he knows it but I think he uses that to his advantage. Don’t get me wrong I am not an angel.

First, I moved from Seattle to Boston at 19, quit my job, left college (but am back in school now here in Boston). I have no family or true friends here in Boston. My mom does not agree with my decisions but her and I have been having problems since the beginning of time. She’s 38 and I am 23. We fight like sisters. But back to my man. When we first started things were ok, but things changed quickly. We started fighting. He had anger and trust issues because of his past. He was emotionally abusive and that took a while to stop, but he did. Things got really rocky when I missed my family so much that I moved back west for 6 months. When I came back to Boston, things were even worse, but we worked thru it. It was the worst time of my life. I cried like every day. Remember I said I ain’t no angel but I am not a cheater or a liar. I just talk a lot of -ish when am being attacked. I mean I take low blows when I feel like I am being attacked and I have a hard time listening when I am mad. Mind you, I did not have a father figure so I really did not know how a man is supposed to treat a woman.

Long story short, the beginning of this year things were almost perfect. I mean I’ve never been happier with him. But all that changes when we have little normal disagreement. When I mess up like any human would and he verbally attacks me like he used to (not as bad though) I do not take low blows like I used to. I tell him how I feel in a mature way, but he uses that as ammo and keeps saying he’s tired of this -ish, he can’t do this -ish, and if I can’t deal with things, “just leave me dog,” (those are his exact words). It’s freaking hurtful to hear that after all I’ve put up with. And, it’s a lot – from spitting in my face (that was the very beginning of our relationship) to pouring water on my hair, to calling me all sort of names, and some pushing. I threw dishes at him when he did that and he called the cops on me, but he was the one who went to jail cause he was making a scene at our condo complex.

Anyways, I am just so confused and I finally got my dignity back to stand up to him and tell him as it is. But, all he keeps saying is just leave me, or if you can’t handle what I expect from you then you should have never been with me. I do everything from cooking, cleaning, getting him ready for work, looking cute for him, buying gifts, watch games with him. I mean I do everything from my heart… I am his homie and lover. And, I really don’t mind doing those things as long as I get the love and respect I give him). Then he goes on saying that he hates me. It’s so hard for him to apologize. I mean I don’t expect perfection but damn can I get respect?

OMG! He also complains about the littlest things. Like, if the house is a lil messy, not dirty (he’s a clean freak but I am not), he starts saying I need to clean the entire house from dusting to taking down spider webs that I can’t see but he can. He just wants the house spotless. I HATE it when he does that because I do me. And, when I do clean he pretty much goes over the whole house to make sure it’s clean. I just leave and have a cigarette.

I’ve matured over the years with him, but it’s like why do I keep hearing this -ish of just leave me dog or I hate you? I mean I hear that at least once a week. I never ever say -ish like that to him. I am at the point of really taking him serious and leaving. I have a hard time making that decision because when I went back home to see my family, I left him with no job (he was collecting unemployment) and he had to pay all the rent and utilities on that unemployment check. I mean it’s not like the check was little. He could survive, but ever since I left, he uses that against me so much that I can’t decide on leaving. But, I am at the point of “F” it… whatever.” But, when he comes around to his senses he always finds a way to my heart again. I mean always.

I ask myself why do I let him do this. Is it the sex, his car, his swagger, the lifestyle? I am not bragging about us but people envy us. We are both attractive. I’ve fought women over him and vice-versa. And, we do well for our age. So, it’s like should I walk away with my respect or should I stay. I love him so much though. I am so confused. I am independent. I pay my own bills. I have my own car, and pay for my school. So, it’s not like he really supports me. Please help!!! Confused Young Wife

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husband-tells-me-to-leave-him-that-he-hates-me-but-i-know-he-loves-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice With Bossip....

2011-09-12T10:37:00.001-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I am writing you because I have an issue that I just cannot shake in my relationship. My man has a wandering eye. Like not just some wandering eye, but like a gross infatuation of some sort. It seems like every time we’re out and he sees a pretty woman he stares at her or would try and sneak glances. It is becoming very repetitive and I’m to the point where I don’t even want to go anywhere with him. I fear that maybe he hasn’t quite found what he is looking for in a woman. I don’t think he has cheated on me, but guys these days are so unpredictable and sneaky you never know.

I have found some questionable text messages before we were officially a couple so I really couldn’t get too upset. I know that he does have female friends, but I don’t know the full extent of their relationship, but he will talk to me about them so I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t know much. He does look through my phone and tries to find things to validate any wrong doings on his part that I feel. But, I always tell him there’s nothing in my phone that I can’t explain nor am I on the defense about it. I network a lot because I have a small business and I want to keep people on a business friendly level. I’ve NEVER stepped outside of this relationship, but his behavior makes me question if he has or is looking to.

This situation makes me not trust him. I’m still young and at a point where I’m confident in what I want, and if it means letting him go then I’m willing to do it. I feel like I’m starting to dumb myself down. I won’t stoop on his level. I’d rather leave his ass high and dry missing the best thing he’s never had.

I am 26 years old and he is three years younger than me and I am gradually coming to the conclusion that maybe I need to fall back and let him be a young man and explore his options. I want marriage and children in the next 5-10 years and I’m just not for wasting any time on someone who doesn’t see my full worth or is looking for the next best thing.

When I approach him about the situation he gets defensive or will deny it which only makes me more mad because I’m not blind, and my eyes are where they are supposed to be, on him. He is all I see. My love, my supposed to be man, but that is never reciprocated in the presence of another beautiful woman. I tell him if he’s that type of man at least have some type of respect and don’t do it when with me. It makes me look very STUPID to people who catch on to it and to the female he stares at, and it makes him look trifling. I talk about guys who stare at me when they are with their woman, and behold I have that type of man. When I got into this relationship, I knew what I was getting into dealing with a younger man, and that there may be some mature issues. But, dealing with him was different. I thought that he was a little more mature than most guys at his age because he has a daughter and has a really great job, and is very responsible and for the most part he has a good head on his shoulders. However, the wandering eye I cannot deal with, especially if he’s gonna deny the fact that he even does it or doesn’t want to talk it out or make me feel less worthless.

Tons of thoughts go through my head. It makes me feel insecure, not good enough, and what does he see in her. Everyone has the right to acknowledge beauty. There’s nothing wrong with that. I would appreciate it more if he would even say it to me like hey baby that lady was pretty or she is beautiful. Like I said, I don’t have a problem with acknowledging beauty, but the staring for long periods of time makes me wonder what he’s thinking about. Is he imagining himself with someone else? I just don’t know anymore, but I’m tired of beating this dead horse. I can only imagine what goes on when I’m not around. I know that he loves me, but this issue really turns me off. That’s totally not a quality that I DO NOT want in my man. I even tried doing the same to him. He didn’t like it, but his behavior didn’t change. No matter how many times I acknowledge this issue and how it makes me feel he doesn’t change his behavior. Am I making too much of this? Do I need to try a different approach? Is it that big of a deal? Is this normal behavior for men? Or, do I need to let him be free? Please inspire me, guide me in the right direction. – Ms. Epiphany

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/455457/dear-bossip-my-man-has-a-wandering-eye-and-i-dont-like-it/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-07T12:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four and a half years and our relationship has not progressed at all. I know that my bad relationship with his mom has something to do with it.

The first time I met her me and my boyfriend were going to his coworkers wedding. So I met him at his house. By the way, he’s twenty-eight almost twenty-nine years old, and his thirty-three year old brother still lives with their parents, which I think is a turnoff since I’m thirty and I have my own place. But anyway, when I met her she smiled and was very pleasant until she handed me a wool scarf in ninety degree weather and told me to cover up the top of my dress, which I do have large breasts, but there was no cleavage showing. But, I guess she could tell how big they are through the dress. This made me feel uncomfortable and when my boyfriend came in the room she said, “Look what I gave your girlfriend? I gave her a gift already.” At that moment I realized she was trying to manipulate him into thinking she liked me, but in all actuality she never liked me.

After a while I soon realized my boyfriend was naive and has been manipulated by his mom his whole life. He tells me the reason why he lives at home is because his mother loves him so much and she doesn’t want him to leave, but I know the real reason she wants him there is because his brother doesn’t work, doesn’t have a car or a cell phone and his father doesn’t work. The only people that work are my boyfriend and his mother, so she depends on him so she can take three or four expensive trips a year, get new carpet through the whole house, new windows, new siding for the house, renovated kitchen and bathroom, etc. He’s been telling me that we are going on a trip every year and it never happens because he has to pay for her trips. She uses him because she feels he does things for me financially, so it’s like a competition which is very childish to me. I don’t like his brother because he stole my boyfriend’s income tax check and went shopping with it. He used my boyfriend’s name on several occasions because he drives his baby mother’s car with no license and gets pulled over. And, then my boyfriend gets letters in the mail telling him he has court dates where he has to take off from work for this. What’s more bizarre is the fact that he doesn’t even confront his brother about these things. That’s another turn-off – he’s weak and doesn’t stand up for himself.

The biggest issue for me is the fact that I’ve expressed to him that I want to get married and start having kids. His response is he wants to make sure he’s ready. He’s been telling me this same thing for years, and now I realize it’s just an excuse. I already act like we are married, for example when he comes over I have a hot meal ready for him. I run his bath, and I basically do everything to please him because I want him to be happy, but I’ve realized he’s not trying to make me happy with what I want. I’ve found myself lately thinking why is he with me? Because it seems like he doesn’t want to start a family, get married or anything that shows commitment to me. Am I just a game to him? Could it be because his mom doesn’t like me? I don’t know what to think, but I know one thing I’m not happy, but I love him. But I know something just ain’t right. Please help. I need advice. – His Momma, Family, Or Me

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/453210/dear-bossip-i-think-he-wont-marry-me-beacuse-of-his-mother-whom-he-still-lives-with/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-09-06T16:23:00.001-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I was hot between the legs and now I’m in a hot mess! I’m trying to have a sense of humor but really I just want to cry. This is the thing, I’m 6 weeks pregnant, 24 years old, and have 2 more semesters left in college. I’m studying to get my bachelors in finance and I’m happy to be almost done! My graduation date is May 2012 and my baby due date is April 2012. The guy that I’m pregnant by is 27 years old, has a degree in accounting but the dummy doesn’t use his degree. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t work at all now, doesn’t have his own place (he’s at his moms), and has no car. I have a 2-bedroom townhouse, a vehicle, job, school, and trying to start up my business which may have to wait until after I graduate because I have no money to put into my business now.

I always said that I wanted to wait until I’m 30 years old or close before having a baby and I wanted to be married. So, this is not want I wanted at all. The time me and this guy had sex, I knew he skeeted in me so I took a Plan B pill two or three days later, so I thought I was good. But, weeks later I discovered that nope, I’m not good, got pregnant anyway!! Yes it’s my fault for opening my legs with no protection. I know, but still I thought the Plan B was going to save me. I have no diseases. I had an annual exam 2 weeks before having sex with him and another STD test after I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago.

When I told him I was pregnant he was happy, very emotionally supportive. He went to a family get together and even passed up alcohol because he said that he wanted to do this with me and wanted to be sober for the next 50 years for his child. He already addresses the baby by a name that he created, but to me all this don’t mean nothing because he don’t have no money! So, I’ll get to the point. Here it is – He has a bright idea to go to New York, hit one of the avenues (as he says) and look for work. He has no money to go and he is on his way out there on a bicycle, not a motorcycle but the kind with the pedals. We live in Texas! He said it will take him a week or two to get there but the only reason he is going is because he doesn’t want to work out here. Now, he feels it’s the time to follow his dream and make some money for his baby on the way. He said that he will talk with me daily and will start sending money as he makes it and will be back in time for the baby’s birth.

Personally I think this is the dumbest crap ever and I feel like damn, what did I get myself into? I don’t want to be a single parent. If I did I wouldn’t have had 2 abortions in the past, one when I was 20 and again at 21. I know I know. But, I feel like I may need to get another one and keep my legs closed for real until I’m married to the type of man that fits me. A man that has his stuff together!

Now this guy that I’m pregnant by said that if he stays here in Texas, he’s just going to be at my house with the baby. He’s not going to work because he’s already looked out here and it’s no jobs. Okay, we live in Houston. It’s plenty of jobs. I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. I told him that I don’t take care of grown men and if he want to live with me, he need to be paying something and he also need to get a car because I have my own schedule and I need to be handling my business. My success is very important to me and I can’t let a man slow me down. He’s supposed to add to me not take away. I don’t know what to do because he says that he wants to get married by the time the baby comes. He says all other women are off limits to him now because he finally got what he wanted and if he cheats on me he’ll be cheating on his child. He says 20 years from now if someone asks him who the last person he had sex with, it’ll still be me.

I mean all this sound good, but on the financial end he’s not bringing anything to the table. He’s not even being realistic to think that he can go to New York and make a nice chunk of money within 8 months. I told him just use his degree and work here and then we can move together after I graduate. At least by then we would have time to find a spot to live and have jobs lined up. We can go prepared instead of him leaving me pregnant and going out there without anything and no place to live, no money for food, nothing.

I don’t want to get another abortion because I feel that it would kill me emotionally, but I don’t want to be with a bum. But, then I also don’t want to be a single mother but those are looking like my options right now. But then again you never know he may succeed at what he’s aiming for in New York and come back with a ring and some money! Yeah right. He wants to be in the entertainment industry now, but I feel that it’s too late for that. He needs to use his degree and possibly start a business later on or something. How does he expect to make it entertainment now?

If I get an abortion I probably will never speak to him again. I would just move on with my life and be sure to never get in a situation like this again. I might not even have sex again until I’m married. But if I keep the child, I don’t know what I’ll do. I guess just continue with my goals, love the child, educate the child, and not let the child stop my success but instead motivate me for more but it’ll be sad not to have the dad around I think. I don’t know, please enlighten me. – Child Or No Child

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-pregnant-and-my-man-wants-to-ride-his-bicycle-to-new-york-to-find-a-job/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-02T12:17:00.001-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m a young female (20-years old) and my incarcerated boyfriend is 20-years old as well. I have known him since elementary school. We “play-play” dated ever since elementary. Now that we are older and more mature, we can differentiate like from love. I’ve dated other people but it was never anything serious. I know I love my boyfriend, in fact I think he’s the only guy I ever loved.

He was locked up for 4 months before I found out. The only reason I found out was because I searched our city jail database and nothing came up and I decided to check the state prison database and found him. We officially started dating again since he’s been in prison. He said I was the only person that wrote him and his sister was the reason he was sent there. She set him up so he ended up violating probation and getting incarcerated. I don’t have a single doubt about the way he feels for me. When we were younger we both lived in Florida until his family moved to Georgia. We kept in touch the whole time. His family always jokes that we might as well get married because of our 12 year history together. He said that I’m the only one he wants to be with and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He gets out the end of 2012 and I have been making living arrangements for us.

My concern is that are we too young to get married? I met a girl who was in a similar situation. She married young and has been married for 5 years and has a child with her husband. She says her and her husband know that they have grown apart but will not leave each other because they spent so much time together and that they are afraid to move on with other people. Her dad always told her not to spend too much time in a relationship with one person at such a young age and now she understands why. In addition, my boyfriend always had to provide for himself and that’s why he makes the wrong decisions and gets locked up. I’m not justifying his actions, but I understand why he does what he does. This is another reason why I wanna be here for him because if he knows he has someone that has his back he can finally relax and enjoy a “normal” life. But again am I sacrificing too much to help a lover in need? I just want the best for him and I genuinely am in love with him. Any advice? – Too Young Or Not

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/451253/dear-bossip-my-man-is-in-prison-were-discussing-getting-married-when-he-gets-out/

Rapper The Game Says "There Are Gay Rappers In Hip Hop And He's Seen Them"

2011-09-01T16:13:00.001-04:00

Check out this interesting interview with rapper The Game as he discusses gay rappers in Hip Hop. He states that he's seen them and that he notices how they watch other men. Calls them, "Man fans." And, check out the :54 mark of the video when The Game takes my quote that I wrote for XXL a few months ago - "Who runs the world? Gays!"

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-09-01T10:13:00.002-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I have a 40-something year old male friend that’s in the closet and on the Down Low (DL). We dated for a little while, but I could tell something was off. He’s a wanna-be thug and wants to maintain his “reputation.” Once, while in the middle of sex, I felt his stroke was not quite right. No matter what I did nothing ever worked. So, finally I asked and he revealed to me that he’s gay and on the DL. I told him I figured he was. The problem is not his orientation but the fact that he wants me to lie to others about “us.” He tells people I’m on him and I fight other females for him. He even told people that I’m currently pregnant with his child which isn’t true. Chile please, I’m dating this great heterosexual guy that adores me. While I want to remain friends with my ex, I’m finding it impossible to do so. What should I do about the lies the DL dude is telling? Outta Pocket Trying To Make Me His Beard

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/450409/dear-bossip-my-ex-is-on-the-down-low-he-wants-me-to-lie-about-us-be-his-beard/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-08-30T10:55:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for 7 years and 9 months. I met her back in the 10th grade in Spanish class. I’m 27 now, and we started dating when I was 20 years old. We literally had everything in common and we were best friends.

On March the 29th, she broke up with me abruptly. There were no warning signs at all. We were engaged to be married next spring and we were already naming our children. After she broke up with me the first time we slowly started talking again a few months ago. We were going out with each other like we used to. I actually started feeling good again. We resumed plans to move out with each other again and everything seemed to be falling into place again. Then she goes two days without any contact at all, save a couple text messages, and she then calls me on May 11th after she gets off work and simply says, “I cannot do this anymore. I can’t talk to you anymore. I can’t see you anymore.” Then she hung up on me.

I’m left to just deal with my emotions as best as possible while she does her own thing. She never really showed any signs of mental problems or anything so what could possibly cause this? – Brokenhearted

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/449064/dear-bossip-after-7-years-my-girl-dumped-me-with-no-cause-we-got-back-together-but-she-did-it-again/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-08-26T16:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Let me start this off by saying I found your column very helpful. You have straight forward advice no holding back and that is what I need right now.

Okay, here is my story. About 2weeks ago I borrowed my boyfriend’s iPad. When I turned it on there was a She-Male sex site! Let’s just say I snapped when I first saw it. So, I started doing some investigations of my own. I found that all these sites were from 2003/2004. (Oh yeah, there were more than one) So, I confronted him about them. He admitted to me that years ago he was with a Transgender woman and that he slept with her. He said at first when he brought her home he thought she was a woman, but when they got in the bedroom he found out different but still did it anyway! He told me after that he started questioning himself and what attracted him to her even after finding out she was a man. So, he started to explore the Internet and wanted to know more about She-Males. He said he tried it one more time after that with a Transgender woman, but didn’t enjoy the experience so he never did it again.

He was trying to erase this site when I stumbled across it. I did see that there was no activity on these sites for years and that he just never deleted them. Now, this man is my best friend we have been together for almost 3 years. He is very good to me. I work 3rd shift at a gas station 3 days a week and he sits in the parking lot the whole night to make sure I’m safe, and then goes to his own job in the morning. He has always been there for me no matter what. I’m trying to be understanding to the situation everyone has a past. I’m not questioning his love for me because I know he does. But, what I am questioning is can someone engage in homosexual sex and then be done? Could it have been he was just experimenting with his sexuality? I know around that time he went through a nasty divorce with his ex-wife whom was cheating on him.

Whenever I have a question he answers it for me. He says I am what he wants and wants to marry me. I love this man and want the best for him I would stand by him no matter what as he did for me. I told him if he is still struggling with his sexuality I will always be his best friend if he has a desire for these Transgender women, and I would understand and wouldn’t judge him. But he reassures me I’m what he wants. Hell, I even offered to bring one in the bedroom with us but he said no! That he was not into that and it was that one Transgender woman he was attracted to and that’s it. I know when I was younger I experimented with a woman and I have no desire to be with a woman again. Could the same thing go for him? Sorry if I dragged this on. I just have a million questions going through my mind. – Trying To Understand

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-admitted-to-being-with-a-she-male-but-only-after-i-discovered-info-on-his-computer/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-08-25T12:59:00.002-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been with my ex off and on for 8 years (more off than on), and right now we are off. We’ve lived together a couple of times and we just don’t mesh well. And, for whatever reason we both seem not be able to leave each other alone 100% of the time. We’ve both been in other relationships with other people, but we always come back to each other and it’s very unhealthy. We fight all the time and it seems like the only thing we have in common is bomb sex. I am super comfortable with him, and anything I want to try sexually it’s always with him. It’s been almost a year since we last stayed together (it only lasted a month and a half). I found out he was kinda living a double life as far as dating and pursuing other females (One had the balls to call my house).

So, basically, long story short, about a year ago while we both were in relationships with other people, I became pregnant. I knew for sure it was his because the dude I was with at the time I wasn’t sleeping with because I had started back sleeping with the ex. The week I found out I was pregnant was very stressful. I saw him with his ex and I snapped. I “F’d” up her car up and attempted to get at the both of them, but a male friend that went with me wouldn’t allow me to fight her. And, two days later I found out I was pregnant. I was going thru so much stress with him and this situation, and when I told him I was pregnant he said he wasn’t ready. I ended up tragically having a miscarriage and I have not been able to get over this. But, yet and still I continued to sleep with him and get treated like a side chick. I can’t understand why I allow him to do this. I’m not ugly by a long shot. I have a great job almost making 6 figures. I’m 32 years old, a home owner, nice car, and NO BABIES!! But, now I want a family of my own and I want it with him. I’m over the “relationship” aspect of it, but he doesn’t have kids either and I have so much time invested in him I just don’t wanna start from scratch with someone else and I kinda feel like having a child will be my “parting gift” if u will.

I also feel like he “owes” me a baby because I blame him for my miscarriage from all the stress and pain I went thru at that time. I also forgot to mention that during this time with the car incident I went off because he had just been released from the hospital from being in a coma after being robbed and beaten. I was there to help him thru all of this because he thought the girl he was with at the time ex had something to do with it. So, to see him with her AFTER he poured his heart out to me regarding what happened and for him to run to me every time something goes wrong in his life was too much to handle. Did I mention I was the first person he called after he woke from his coma?

I called him a few weeks ago and laid it on the line and told him I want to have his baby and he said he was cool with it until the time came. He spent the night with me and everything, but we DIDN’T do it! The next day I texted him and asked why we didn’t have sex and he said he felt like he was being pressured. Color me confused! PLEASE ADVISE – Trying To Break A Stronghold

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/446626/dear-bossip-after-being-off-and-on-for-8-years-i-feel-he-owes-me-a-baby-for-my-time/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-08-24T12:45:00.002-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have been married to this guy for a little over 4 years. We have two kids- 5 & 3 years old. We own a home which I had to beg, curse and cry to get him to contribute 50% of the down payment. I figured that if he wanted to stay with me he would have to contribute to the house. I knew he had the money, but for some reason he always cries broke except when it comes to his family. I mean on the outside looking in a lot of people make comments like “your family is so cute”… “You guys have it all together,” but I’m hating life! Yes, they see me driving a new Lexus. But the only reason is that I put him out after I found out he was cheating on me while I was 7 months pregnant! Whenever he gets mad, it becomes his car, not mine!

Yes, they see the kids always dressed nice and well-behaved but that’s all me. All my husband (I cringe when I have to refer him as such) manages to do is keep the couch warm and the electronics turned on. So, he tries to be affectionate and kiss or rub on me but I’m so turned off. As for the kids, I wanted to have children so I got what I wanted out of the sex. The marriage part… maybe I didn’t think he could possibly be as bad as his family told me he was. They were right. I should’ve run for the hills.

He has major personality issues. Not a mental illness, per say, but severe mood swings. Like one minute he’s singing, making obnoxious jokes, all in my personal space and the next he’s mean-faced glued to the TV. He also has a bad temper and has said some real foul stuff to me and calls me names. We went to counseling once (after he jumped on me with our newborn in my arms) and was diagnosed with depression. I had kicked him out the house and was loving life- with just the kids. He kept begging me to come back and I agreed on the condition he continued with counseling. That never happened. Recently when I brought it up his response was something like “You don’t know me or my heart. How dare you try to tell me what I need to do?” Great!

So here I am living in a home with this man I can’t stand, raising two kids as a pseudo- single mom, hating life. I should also mention that I can’t talk to him the way I used to when we were dating. He uses all the bits of info from my past to throw back in my face when convenient. Not that I have loads of skeletons in my closet, but does he really need to bring up that I used to date older men? Or that one of my exes used to abuse me so why would I make a big deal when he jumped on me? Is this dude serious? I’ve told him that I want a divorce (I ended up agreeing after he said he wanted one our entire 1st yr of marriage) but now he’s fighting it. I think it’s not that he loves me so much but because he’s comfortable. He has a great life which involves him not doing much. I think I know what I want to do. But just want to get your take on it. – Ms. Wishing For An Easy Way Out

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-cant-stand-my-husband-and-i-cringe-at-the-thought-of-him/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-08-23T11:19:00.001-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we have a 9 month old beautiful baby girl. I feel like we have a strong relationship, at least I thought we did. But, it seems like lately we have been having petty arguments about everything. SMH! On top of that he just turned into a professional athlete (boxer). So, it seems his ego has gone straight to his head and beyond. He travels a lot.

Just recently he found out I went out on a date with another dude, which let me add by saying that the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. The only reason I went is because my boyfriend is always saying that he need space and time, and how he can’t deal with a relationship right now, or the stress of it because of his career. So, WTF! We do have a child. I’m not just some chick. So, I feel like, ok, I’m going to explore my options.

I’m only 24 years old. Now I feel like he wants to throw that date in my face every chance he gets when he gets mad saying we had agreed not to date other people. Although I never found hardcore evidence on his behalf of infidelity, but I have heard questionable voicemail and text just no real proof though. Meaning, I overheard a conversation when he was in the bathroom. I was outside the bathroom and it sounded to me like he was giving some chick an ultimatum on the phone. I confronted him about it, but he told me he did that out of anger because he found out about my date, which was days before that incident. Now, both of us have come to a breaking point as far as us both of us not being happy with each other. And, honestly we both haven’t been trying to fix things. Now, we’re like, ok, let’s be civil and just make everything between us just about the baby.

But, now he is telling me he wants to work things out. I’ve been trying to be mature about the situation because I don’t want my feelings to be hurt, but I’m slowly falling back. I’m torn between giving it another shot for the sake of our daughter, or in the words of Keisha Cole, “LET IT GO” and move on. What should I do??- Ms. I’m So Damn Confused/Torn

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/445130/dear-bossip-my-man-has-turned-into-a-professional-athlete-and-its-gone-straight-to-his-head/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-08-18T11:14:00.001-04:00

Dear Bossip,

So, I have this gut feeling my girlfriend has cheated on me. She and I have been dating for about 8 months, but there has been differences. She told me she has had her past mistakes and even has “got with” a good friend’s boyfriend behind her friends back. I find it very odd that she is very honest with her mistakes, but I just ignored that feeling and thought we had a close relationship.

One night she lied to me about being where she was and I found out she went to a party with one of her guy friends. This guy friend has already tried to make his “move” on her. Once again, something she has confessed to me. The next day after thinking about how she lied, I told her I couldn’t take her seriously if she continues to lie. We didn’t talk till later that night when she called crying saying she needed to be picked up at a friend’s house. She walked into my car and explained to me that a situation happened where her friend called her a slut for being with this man inside the house while everyone else was in the backyard. My girlfriend says they went in for a snack together, but a third person was in the house also. She also told me her friend apologized saying she was really drunk. Knowing my girlfriend’s past, knowing also that her parents relationship ended by her mother cheating, I can’t help but feel something DID happen that night and she was going to tell me but coward out. We have fought about this a lot and I have no way of really finding out the truth. I just feel in my gut that something happened. I love her but I don’t know why I can’t just move on. – Do I Trust Her

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/442934/dear-bossip-my-girl-said-nothing-happend-with-this-dude-but-based-on-her-past-im-not-so-sure/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-08-16T11:15:00.002-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. He’s 42 and I’m 24. I know the age difference sounds bad but I do love him. When I first met him he was a dream come true. He couldn’t do any wrong, but they say all that glitters isn’t gold, which I found out as time went by.

When we first got together he didn’t mention he had a baby on the way, which I found out about. But, he was with me all the time and he had conceived before I even came into the picture, so I forgave him for it and we moved past it. Then came his crazy ass baby mama who was harassing me calling my phone, and even waiting for me in my building. It even got so bad that I had to fight her (I’m too old to be fighting). At that point I had enough. I decided to leave, but he made me feel guilty because he said it was her and not him and he was right, so once again we stayed together.

Now time has passed and he is no longer able to provide for me financially like he was before. It’s been a year and still his finances have not improved. He’s been a provider since day one so when things got tough I stuck by his side, but now I’m feeling like I can’t it anymore. He doesn’t ask me for money and he doesn’t live with me. I have my own money, but I’m used to him providing. So, I don’t know what to do. Should I stick it out for a little bit longer or should I leave since he’s older and should be set right by now. (P.S. – He had a good paying job but left to start his own business and that’s when the problems started with the money) Please write back I need help making a decision – Need Him To Be A Provider

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/441679/dear-bossip-he-was-taking-care-of-me-financially-but-the-past-year-his-pockets-have-been-on-empty/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-08-16T11:04:00.002-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I just read the article about the guy and his ex trying to sneak her way back into his life. I have a question about my situation.

I have recently married the girl of my dreams, but my ex and I have a daughter together and it gets hard sometimes not being able to stay with my daughter for as long as I want to. When I go over to my ex’s house to pick up my daughter she comes to the door in these tight ass panties and I just can’t seem to take my eyes off her. I think she is doing it on purpose, but she is taking over my mind like my dreams and everything. None of this has affected my wife though, not yet at least. What do you think I should do? – Trying To Remain True

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-married-but-everytime-i-go-pick-up-my-daughter-from-my-ex-she-answers-the-door-in-her-panties/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-08-15T13:06:00.002-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I want to knock him out.

I’ve been with my man for 2 years now and I suppose things are going ok, well, for two people who are in a long distance relationship. And, when I mean long distance I mean a plane ride. We enjoy each other’s company and have fun when we’re together. I’ve dated a few other guys, but he makes me feel so much different. We call and Skype each other when we are not around. This normally works well, but recently he doesn’t call and prefers it if I called, seeing as he doesn’t like buying calling cards. You would think he doesn’t have a good paying job!

At first I was kind of ok with it, but now it just pisses me off. If I don’t call him, we don’t speak, and this can go on for days even weeks. His communication is like that of a 3-year old, and he doesn’t tell me nothing. He just expects me to assume. I don’t think he’s cheating because he was kind of like that when I was there, but the fact that he acts this way and he makes no effort BOTHERS ME. And, sometimes I just wanna knock him out for his horrible ways. When I talk to him about not making an effort he says he’s busy and hasn’t got time. I’m not sure if I should end it, even though I deserve better than someone who can’t pick up the phone and call me at ALL! – Long Distance Turmoil

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/441065/dear-bossip-were-in-a-long-distance-relationship-but-sometimes-i-just-want-to-knock-him-out/

A Must Watch Video!

2011-08-13T22:04:00.002-04:00

Openly Gay Author Responds to XXL‘s Article on Homophobia in Hip-Hop...

2011-08-13T11:25:00.000-04:00

Author Terrance Dean thinks 2011 has been the year of gay revelations in hip-hop and questions why closeted Black celebrities won’t come out. Read and discuss…

[Editor's Note: XXL interviewed several people—including author Terrence Dean—to discuss homophobia in hip-hop in the 'Break It Down' article featured in the July/August 2011 issue. See below for Dean's reaction to the piece.]

Hip-Hop’s Open Closet Secret
BY TERRANCE DEAN

This year has truly turned out to be the year of gay revelations, scandals, and the universe’s attempt to balance an imbalanced scale in hip-hop. On April 4th, popular New York DJ personality Mister Cee was arrested for sexual lewd acts with a man, (his third arrest actually), and although he claimed it was the NYPD’s attempt for an elaborate cover-up and “take down” of hip-hop’s elite, Cee plead guilty to such lewd acts (Guess they weren’t singling him out). On April 17th, “straight” rapper Lil B sent the hip-hop world into a frenzy when he announced plans to title his upcoming album, I’m Gay. Critics and fans alike have already christened the album a classic despite their hesitations of B being able to deliver lyrical latent content with dope-ly head-banging produced beats to make even non-gay men stand up and recognize his true genius and talent (Snap for the kids!). Then on May 15th, CNN’s beloved news anchor, Don Lemon ‘came out’ and went public revealing he’s gay (A gay news expert in which hip-hop heads get their daily news).

Most recently, comedian Tracy Morgan went on a rant during a comedy routine in Nashville, Tenn., and stated that he would stab his son to death if he found out he was gay. That’s a pretty harsh and drastic measure to take, especially as a parent. I’m certain Morgan, who’s a high profile celebrity in Hollywood, and who works in an industry filled with gay men and women, would’ve been more mindful and sensitive to the very community of people who’ve helped to build, maintain, and sustain the very industry in which he makes his living.

Yes, we are the directors, producers, stylists, actors, singers, rappers, songwriters, managers, executives, crew people, publicists, and agents who shape this industry. Yet, like Morgan, I’m certain many hip-hop heads, or fans, don’t think of the very gay people who have given celebrities a platform so they can have a career. And, I’m certain they don’t think of the very people who’ve paved the way for them to get where they are. Yet, Morgan’s statement is not only a reflection of the state of mind of how many Black people feel and think, it’s also a reflection of how fear cripples us a society.

It’s a delicate dance when we speak about gay men and women in the entertainment industry. There are many who are closeted, or “out” to a select few friends and family members, but when their colleagues go on homophobic rants insulting, and even wishing death upon someone for their sexuality, it truly prevents us from moving forward as a society. Why? Because Black celebs feel they have no safe place to be their true authentic selves without someone criticizing, judging, or demeaning who they are.

Let’s take for example when Queen Latifah played a gay character on the VH1 hit show, Single Ladies, in which she serves as executive producer. On the July 11th episode, Latifah’s character, not Dana Owens herself, is outed because she admits in a magazine article to having a sexual encounter with Stacey Dash’s character on the show. And, instead of allowing the moment to define her character, not Dana Owens herself, she uses it to advance her career. But, Queen Latifah’s character, not Dana Owens herself, makes a publicized television announcement and surprise, surprise, she dances around her sexuality instead using it as a moment to take the conversation and issue to task. (Sidebar: Was this Queen Latifah’s attempt to actually come out herself, and use the guise of the character to do so?)

Read the entire article, HERE:
http://www.xxlmag.com/features/2011/08/openly-gay-author-responds-to-xxls-article-on-homophobia-in-hip-hop/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-08-12T13:19:00.000-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

To make my seemingly long story short I started dating my next door neighbor that is Asian/White and I’m Black. Prior to, I was single no children. Within 6 months I was pregnant. We moved in together only for me to later move out and endure my pregnancy alone. He is self-employed with money issues. I work making $44,000 per year. Our daughter was born. We reunited for 2 years. However, I’m the head of the household. I run the show, and not by choice, and after we fight over MY car. The police was called. Black cops came, and did not like an interracial couple. They wanted to send both of us to jail. They threatened to put our daughter in the system. The baby daddy takes a domestic violence charge so I don’t got to go jail and I get to keep my daughter. And, since the courts won’t allow him back in the home he starts dating a new girl.

My problem is that I’m sprung on the sex. I love him dearly, and straight out I can’t get over him. His new girlfriend has no idea about his sexual activities or preference and that’s the only time I see him. Since he’s been out of the home my daughter hardly exists in his life. I know he loves her however she’s no longer a priority to him. I am beyond dumb, however I can’t follow my own advice. Child support and all the trimmings are in effect but I can’t make the horse drink. I haven’t dated a brotha or anotha since we got together and I’m afraid. What should I do? – Stuck On Stoopid

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-havent-dated-a-brother-ever-since-my-asianwhite-ex-and-im-afraid-to-start-again/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-08-11T12:45:00.000-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I have been seeing my next door neighbor off and on for about two years now. When I first moved next door we started talking and became intimate with each other. When he first met me he thought so highly of me because I work and go to school and he wanted an educated woman and not a hood girl that he usually goes after.

A little background about him – he is the typical thug and slangs you know what on the side. The loving was amazing. The only thing is he never did oral. Besides that we were talking for a minute and all of a sudden I ended up getting pregnant and things changed. He said it was my fault because he said he tried to tell me to stop him when he stuck it in bare. But, yet, he fails to realize that he made love to me 20 minutes afterwards unprotected. Long story short I got pregnant and told him. He threatened to hurt me and my baby and I called the cops to his “Trap House.” Well, he forgave me and we have been cool since then.

The issue is I recently moved out and have opened up to him about my sex life and how I want him to start making love to me. He never looks me in the eye and he doesn’t even kiss me. I told him that I have a big appetite for sex and that I am a big masturbator. I also told him that I have had three threesomes in my life, and that I sleep with women every now and then only when I cannot have sex with a man. Basically, he told me that he would never want anyone like that around his daughter or want to be with them or be his woman. I have only been with 6 men and about 8 females out of my whole life. To me I don’t think that’s bad. I want to be with him, but I think that telling him that just ruined me ever having a chance at a relationship. Should I try to make it work or take it face value and move on? Please help me! – I Want My Thug Prince

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/439337/dear-bossip-i-told-him-i-like-being-with-women-somtimes-but-i-want-him-to-be-my-thug-prince/

A Must View! Powerful!

2011-08-11T12:39:00.002-04:00

Saw this last night on 20/20 - It's truly powerful. The underbelly of the entertainment business - Corey Feldman: Pedophilia in Hollywood - A must view:

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Hello Beautiful...

2011-08-10T10:57:00.003-04:00

Dear Gay Best Friend,

This guy I used to date is still sending me messages and texts. I am married and want to tell him but I feel that it isn’t any of his business. I feel that it will only fuel him to become harassing, even though I we’ve ended it over 2 years ago.

I feel that he is still in my head. I don’t like that. I pray to be freed from his clutches, the mental clutches that is. He still plays out the cycle of abuse via e-mail and texting. He explodes, then he apologizes, then he gets intense because I am not responding to NOTHING he sends. I had spoken with him about 15 months after I fled with no contact for all that time. I did learn that he was posing as a guy on Facebook and I knew something was strange when I suggested we talk over the phone. I deleted the e-mail of the fake poser guy.

When he sends texts they are all over the place. One minute he is projecting a nice tone like he wants to be friends, then when I don’t respond his tone is intense and agitated, almost slightly threatening, then the explosion. He may send me a message of his private parts with a nasty message saying he doesn’t ever want me or to talk to me again.

He claimed he was married for a while and blames me for the reason it didn’t work, saying because I left him he was forced to married her. I want to block his number but don’t feel that he is worth a $5/month charge to pay on my cellular bill to keep him from calling. I just face it and ignore it, but sometimes his messages get to me. Sometimes I feel sad. I feel like I am missing something, and the kicker is I know I am not missing NOTHING but a ass beating and lots and lots of mental, emotional, and financial abuse.

He sends me pics of him looking at his best, but I know it’s all fake. I have thought about changing my phone number but I just feel like he is not worth me disrupting my life for. I just feel I do better ignoring him. One thing I have vowed is never to let him know anything about me. But, I wonder if I should. I don’t care that he pokes around trying to figure me out. I let him say whatever he thinks. I don’t try to respond and explain. He tries to bait me in with certain verbiage. I am sorry that I am rambling on. I have the desire to write a book about the horrid experience. I have journals and notes from the experience and I have NEVER been through the crap he put me through. But he reminded me of my mother and father mixed in one, mostly my mother. I am confused sometimes, but I know I what is right. He is trying to manipulate me. I wish he would leave me alone. – Why Won’t He Leave Me Alone

You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/its-been-2-years-since-it-ended-my-abusive-ex-wont-leave-me-alone/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day With Bossip...

2011-08-09T11:27:00.001-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I have a question and I could really use some advice with this. I have been married for about a year and a half and I am almost 7 months pregnant. Long story short, we had a pregnancy complication 3 months ago, and we have basically stopped making love since. We have tried sex only 2 times since the complication. The first time was OK, but it was very short and very cautious. Second time, it was very uncomfortable for me, and we soon stopped. I have checked with my doctors and they have said that I am free to have intercourse again and not to worry. I have told my husband that we can do oral, or perhaps find other ways to satisfy one another if it didn’t work again.

The problem is that he has not initiated any sexual activity in months. I have spoken to him about it and he stated that he is worried about me getting hurt by us having intercourse, but I have tried to assure him that I still wanted to try and not to worry about it.

What can I do to fix this? I miss the intimacy very much, and as I said before, it’s not all about the sex but the closeness we share when we have adult time. I feel like maybe he is not attracted to me or maybe I am doing something wrong. I’ve asked him if it is something I said or did to cause this, but he always says no.

This is causing a great deal of sexual frustration. I work a demanding job and I need an outlet when I come home to get rid of the stress. I need some relief. I’ve gotten the ball rolling by giving him some oral on two other occasions. This worked out ok, but again I was the initiator, and I don’t like to have to be the one to always start things up. We have had discussions where he agreed that this needs to be changed…yet no action on his end.

Help! I miss having sex with my husband and I am not the type of person to be sexually aggressive. If I press the issue I am sure he will do it, but I want him to want ME again. I would like to feel wanted and not feel like I am nudging him to sleep with me again. What can I do????? Also, from a male perspective does this sound normal, or could there be more going on here. – Pregnant And Sexless

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/438014/dear-bossip-im-7-months-pregnant-and-my-husband-wont-make-love-to-me/

Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend Advice Day" With Bossip...

2011-08-05T09:41:00.002-04:00

Dear Bossip,

I’m in a sticky situation and need some advice. Please help!

I dated this guy for a year and it was the biggest mistake of my life! Our families knew each other long before we were born. His family lived across the street from me and we were good friends when we were kids. When I was 9 year old, I moved to the U.S., and he and I didn’t talk as much. Fast forward 9 years later and we found each other online, exchanged numbers, and picked up right where we left off. Pretty soon we were dating and I was so happy because I always had a crush on him! It was a long distance relationship cause I was living in the U.S. and he was back home (I’m from Barbados).

The first 3 months were great! He was sweet, loving, caring, and just wonderful! Then he did a complete 180! He stopped calling, the everyday texts became every 3 days, once a week, once a month, eventually nonexistent. Whenever I called he always said he’s busy with school and he doesn’t have time to call. It bothered me but I ignored it. I had plans to go to Barbados in the summer and he told me he wanted a 3 way with me and his ex! I was a virgin and this is how he wanted me to lose my v-card! When I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it, he told me if I couldn’t do it, he’d find someone else to sleep with cause he’s a man with needs. Then he started asking me for money & he even wanted me to send his ex a gift! He wanted us to be friends before the 3 way. He spent 6 months without ever calling me, and 3 months without a single text. When I asked why he wasn’t calling or texting, his excuse was, “I’m busy.” I wanted to break up with him but I was scared of how it would affect our families. My mom started talking marriage the day I told her we were dating! His mom loved me and I didn’t want her to be mad at me. Finally, I got the courage to break up with him. When I told my mom, she was upset. I later found out that he told his mom I dumped him without any reason.

We’ve talked a few times online since the break up just to say hi. He claims he never cheated on me, but yet he’s asked me to sleep with him even though he has a girlfriend and when I said no, he got mad. Since then, I’ve been dating this wonderful man for the past two and a half years. I’m very happy with him, he respects me, and treats me like a queen.

I’m going home this month and my question is, do I tell my ex or not? His mom comes to my house all the time (she and my grandma are best friends). I know if I go without telling him I’m coming, she’ll be pissed and give me a lecture about how awful I am for not telling her son I was coming. I know I don’t owe it to him, but, yet I feel guilty. I feel like I’m being rude, as you can probably tell I’m a people pleaser. I don’t want to see him when I go, but I don’t want to be this evil witch who doesn’t tell him and gets the fury from his mom. He’s the one who was an ass so why am I the one who’s carrying all the guilt? Do I tell him I’m coming or not? – I Don’t Want To See Him

You can read my response, HERE:
http://bossip.com/436362/dear-bossip-im-visiting-my-home-on-the-islands-but-my-ex-lives-there-do-i-tell-him-im-coming/